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THE GOOD FOLKS OF ANGEL HILLS

Wal Mart arrived in our town several years ago with American flags waving, apple pie, and much fanfare. With all his money, good ol’ Sam Walton– who was still alive then– wasn’t even generous enough to provide the requisite commercial coffins for all the old f****y owned businesses he killed in downtown Angel Hills, and every other small town in the midwest. He hasn’t killed everything else in our already shriveling town yet; there are several defiant soldiers still writhing in their death throes.

There’s still Hansen’s Lumber and Hardware, because Wal Mart doesn’t sell lumber, still Kimisky’s Winn Dixie Food Store across the street– with a new chain super food warehouse out on the interstate killing them softly with profits– Sassy’s Style Shop, Zoella’s Antiques and the bank and post office.

And of course, Janny’s Country Kitchen, with the best food in the county. The pots and pans rattle like a warm ghost among the boarded up shells lining Main Street, echoing like a Hank Williams song, hearing that lonesome whistle blowing the funeral dirge for a vanishing anachronism of character and independence.

The first time I saw him was a blistering hot Friday morning, 89 degrees at 9:30, high predicted to be in the mid ten thousands. Apparently his new boss, Varnell, ran out of things to show him inside the nearly defunct store and was giving him a tour of the parking lot. I was loading chicken wire in the back of somebody else’s pickup for old man Van Tusen, and I thought, ‘New, not from around here, gotta be related to someone– everyone else is.

Every move he made kept his back to me, pissing me off and piquing my curiosity. All I could tell was that he had wavy brown hair just tickling his crisp recycled Winn Dixie uniform collar, and that he was thin, and about 5’9″ standing next to Varnell.

I stood with my hand on the roll of wire, pelvis tilted up to keep my tight jeans from riding any further down my sweaty hips, other hand wiping the sweat from my brow, mentally slapping Varnell upside the head to make the idiot turn him this way.

Carl called me a slacker and told me to go back to the yard and help load some plywood. Oh well, I’d find out who he was soon enough, before the day was through most likely– news travels fast here.

*********************************

“Allie Mae is still pissed off at you, Buck. I heard what you did last night at Bebe’s. Sooner or later, Dan’s gonna blow your head off, and take yer huevos with it,” Velma scowled at me as she turned my cup up and filled it.

“You dance backwards real well? Better learn, bubba, cuz you won’t be leadin’ with that high pitched voice and nothin’ down there t’ keep yer balance,” she smirked.

“Oooohhh, Velma!” I reached down and covered my crotch protectively, “Don’t be talkin’ like that in front of Buck Jr. ! Have some compassion!” I looked down at my lap and spread my hands just enough to talk to him though my bluejeans, “She didn’t mean it! I swear, she’s only k**ding!”

“I done told you before what I think of men who have pet names for their brains and talk to them,” she tried to feign contempt, but grinned in spite of herself.

She put my order in without asking if I wanted anything different than my usual chicken fried steak. While I waited for my food, I thought about putting that sheepskin steering wheel wrap on after work, about if I could swing by and tease Jenny Anderson without her s****r catching me, about if I should bend Darla Danforth over the kitchen table like last time or make it to the bed, if she could sneak over around ten.

I thought of how she’d do that real deep growl that got louder and louder and higher pitched as I pounded my footlong (ok, nine and a half very thick inches of grain fed dick, I just call him footlong cuz he likes it) in her tight-for-having-had-two-k**s pussy.

About the time I got my food, I looked up and saw Johnny Ray Benson walking by the cafe, that little swagger in his hips, his four inch diameter rodeo belt buckle spraying reflected sunlight onto the glass, drawing my eyes to his tasty bulge, which naturally drew them around in short order to his best asset.

I don’t think God made his ass. I think it was sculpted by the old Dutch masters and God said, “Hey, that’s better than I could’ve done it. ” — Yeah, I knew there were Dutch masters. Couldn’t tell ya who they were, except Van Gogh, but I knew about ’em. There was after all, a lot of Dutch and Danish heritage in our region.

He looked in through the window from under his pointy brimmed tan cowboy hat and nodded ‘hi’ to several of the lunch crowd, giving me a slightly slower nod and a slightly more impish grin.

I wondered if he’d be at Bebe’s tonight. I needed to cool it with Allie Mae, cuz it was getting out of hand and a little too openly acknowledged– and I’d rather have Johnny’s tight ass again tonight anyway. I thought, ‘Any fucking day of the week! That boy is gettin’ to me. I better watch it. ‘

I watched him turn his head as someone approached. He said ‘hi’ to Varnell and was introduced to the new boy.

After the pleasantries, Johnny ambled on his way and Varnell led the boy into the cafe. I u*********sly put my hat back on, took it off, and put it back on again. I was trying to get him to look my way, knowing he would at some point, but that just wasn’t fast enough.

My heartbeat sped up and my mouth watered. His ass was perfection in form– forget Johnny Ray Benson– his body was tight, compact, and perfect.

I could see that, even with his bulky Winn Dixie smock and baggy blue work slacks doing their best to camouflage it. His face was radiance. His cute little ears were made for whispering nasty things into.

I projected my thoughts loudly at him: ‘There! Yes!’ He finally looked me in the eye. I tried to not let him go. ‘No! Don’t look away, don’t look down! Back up, back up, back up, yeah! Who are you? I want you! You’ll like me! No, don’t look away again! Fuck! Varnell, you fucking shit-for-brains! Don’t seat him facing away from me! Goddammit!’

I scarfed down my chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes all smothered in the best cream gravy in the world in world record time– which means faster than my usual world record time– gulped down the third refill of coffee and paid Velma, leaving her usual good tip that made sure she would put up with me no matter what I did.

I adjusted Buck Jr. and his two buddies, put my pointy white hat on at that sexy angle women like, and swaggered casually over to their table.

“‘S’up, Varnell? How’d you manage to hire someone new and I hadn’t heard about it?” I looked at the boy and watched his eyes start at the top of my boots and take the long way to my eyes, blushing slightly and looking away when he saw the look in mine.

Varnell was feeling important today, with the only thing new to talk about in his care, “Billy Ragland, this is Buck Tennyson. ” I swallowed his small but strong hand with mine and held it, shook it, held it. He had to look me in the eyes– it’s i*****l to shake hands and not. ‘Don’t you look back down. Uh-uh, don’t look back down, back up, back up, theeere you go. Do you know what you’re doing to me? It’s your eyes that should be i*****l, like felony entrapment or something.

If my cousin wasn’t sheriff, I could get arrested in this state for what I’m thinking about you right now. ‘

“Pleased t’ meet you, Billy Ragland. ” I wouldn’t let his hand go. Even thick-headed Varnell eyed my grip nervously as I held onto it.

“Billy is Bob Kamisky’s grand nephew, from over in Chickasaw County. Gonna be stayin’ the summer here, and mebbe his senior year in school too.

“That so, Billy Ragland?” I finally let go his hand and he blushed some more and looked down at his mashed potatoes. I waited for an answer he didn’t give.

Ahhhhh, a shy one.

“I hear you started some more trouble at Bebe’s last night,” Varnell said sarcastically, then cast a dire warning look at Billy and scowled, “Stay as far away from Buck Tennyson as you can, Billy.

He’s nothin’ but trouble an’ he’ll get you in trouble if you associate with him– and you don’t need any more trouble. “

I stood back and spread my arms wide, jutting my pelvis forward, “Why Varnell Denburk! How dare you cast perversions on my character! Don’t listen to him, Billy, he ain’t been laid in twenty years. It warps yer mind, ya know. We overlook it cuz he’s Varnell, an’ Winn Dixie would fall apart at the seams if it wasn’t for his capable management and spiritual guidance.

I tried to wrap my arms around Varnell’s chunky shoulders and he vigorously fought me off as I warbled at him, “I love you, man! I really love you, man!” Getting a chuckle from Velma and the old men at the next table.

“Get away from me, you pervert!” Varnell’s round pale face was red with irritation and embarrassment. He had not one iota of humor in him, which made teasing him fun as hell.

I looked at Billy and he was smiling the cutest fucking smile I’d ever seen in my life, and my cock twitched as I caught his eye and smiled my biggest ‘I wanna eat you’ smile. He had sharp canines that sparkled iridescent white behind voluptuous pouty lips that I wanted to bite. His silvery gray eyes sparkled with a humor that just barely obscured something heavy, sad. It made my heart catch for a second and I studied his tiny sharply pointed nose and rich brown eyebrows, lashes below threatening to stretch up and get more attention, so long and lush were they.

I was suddenly tongue-tied. I, Wayne Arter Tennyson, who had never in his life been short of a word, poet as a c***d– `til I realized that made you a sissy– wannabe singer/songwriter like Garth, ladies man and Casanova to the county, the twenty-four year old stud who men hid their wives and daughters and sons from–even if they didn’t consciously know why they were hiding their sons from me– the man with the golden tongue—— tied.

Blank. Lost in his beauty. Aware I was starting to get a woodie right there in Janny’s. I gathered myself and tore my eyes from him.

“Uh… I gotta get back t’ work. ” I recovered enough to give him a mildly lascivious smile, “Nice t’ meet you Billy Ragland. See you around. ” I tipped my hat. “Varnell. ” I strutted out, a little shaken, but strutting, wondering if he was looking at my hard as rock ass in my tight jeans like the ladies were always talking about.

***********************

Good thing you don’t need much brain power or focus to do stocking in the hardware department, which Carl put me on for the afternoon, and which I always did slowly so he’d feel like there had been enough sales to need time to restock. I couldn’t stop thinking about Billy Ragland. I could only see his smile and those troubled eyes of quicksilver, fluid but barricaded. They hadn’t let me in even for a second.

What I saw, the sadness, was just what he accidentally let slip to the front. He wasn’t letting anybody inside.

I started writing a bad song about his eyes, singing it to the tune of another bad song in my head. I had to constantly keep adjusting myself through the afternoon, constantly mentally slapping myself to focus on what I was doing.

When I pulled up in front of my little house after work, I chugged my brown bag sheathed beer and fumbled with the sheepskin wheel wrap forever, finally giving up, muttering about how directions should be in plain fucking English how the fuck do they expect you to figure this shit out who makes this fuckin’ crap anyway?

I went in and showered, getting Buck Jr.

hard and talking nice to him, telling him he’s gonna get some tonight and forget about Billy Ragland– for now. He wanted to cum while thinking about Billy, but I wouldn’t let him.

“Save it for Darla, or maybe even Johnny Ray. Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t ya? Johnny’s talented tongue and you are real close friends already, huh?”

My voice echoed around the bathroom tiles as I stroked, “And his ass makes ya sit up and beg, huh? Well get yer drippin’ over with now; don’t be doin’ it in yer jeans later.

It’s commando again tonight, Buck m’boy. Yeah, you can stretch on down my leg and reel ’em in for daddy. “

As I finished drying off, I looked in the mirror and posed, looking down at my pride and joy, then my entire six foot two, hundred and seventy-four pound hardbody, my devilishly handsome face, hawk nose and blue eyes under wild dark blonde hair. “Goddamn, you’re the hottest fucking man in Chocktaw County! No one can resist you.

Everyone wants you. ” I looked at my cock, “Everyone wants you!”

I always let the phone ring three times before answering it, the land phone that is, and since I had made it to where no one ever called for anything other than sexual liaisons, I answered, “Buck’s pussy palace. Talk nasty and tell me what yer wearin’. “

“You think you’re just God’s gift t’ the women of the fuckin’ world, don’t ya?” Darla drawled scornfully.

“I am the light and the way, darlin’. Wassup?” Here it comes, here it comes, I wanna hear that whine, wanna hear that pretty please, here it comes…

“I was just wonderin’ if maybe you’d be home around ten, not like it matters, but I might be in the neighborhood about then, so…”

Oh, definitely not good enough! You’ll have to do much better than that baby. “Oh, I’m goin’ to Bebe’s for a while, play some pool, don’t know if I’m gonna be around here… ‘specially if I don’t know for sure anyone’s comin’ by, you know…”

Long pause.

“Well, if I knew for sure I was gonna be over that way at ten… Would you be there?”

“Well, if I knew you was sittin’ in your car out front waitin’, with the first three fingers of your left hand in Buck Tennyson’s private twat, waitin’ for me, I might consider comin’ home. ” I was grinning so big I could hardly talk straight, having pushed her button on purpose.

“First of all, I got a husband, so it ain’t yours private.

And second of all, Ewww! You know I hate it when you call it a twat!”

“Better than the “C” word. ” I suppressed a chuckle.

“You damn sure know better than to use that one, Buck Tennyson!”

“Ok, in your sweet pussy. I mean, if ya got it all wet an’ juicy, I might be tempted t’ go downtown, and you know what all the ladies think of my oral skills, seein’ as how my tongue’s longer than most dicks.

“I don’t care what the others think– I know you’re the best at that, daddy. “

“So… Tell me what you’re gonna do to make me wanna come home. “

“I’m gonna be sittin’ there with three fingers in my pussy and a joint in the other hand, and Garth Brooks on cd, my lips all puckered and ready t’ kiss Buck jr. “

“Sounds ok, but I guess I need t’ know for sure it’s worth comin’ home to, like how bad ya need it, cuz I don’t want it if it ain’t all wet and juicy and needin’ me real bad like.

“Oh, it needs you real bad like, daddy, you know how bad it needs you. It’s wet right now just thinkin’ about Buck jr. — and I know you love it when I call him that. “

“What’s it thinkin’ about?”

“About your tongue wrapped around my clit, about your big dick inside it. “

“Who’s your daddy?”

“You already know you are, every time you slap my ass and I tell you so.

“Just don’t forget it. “

“Be there?”

“Yeah. ” Click. “Oh yeah!” I said to the empty room. I lounged naked for awhile, then took a nap so I could stay up all night if I wanted. I woke up and started getting dressed, wondering if Johnny was ready again for my dick yet. It was hard for him to accept needing it, and hard for him to take, but when we got going…

Well, if he was ready again, maybe he’d wait at Bebe’s until I was done with Darla.

She only needed one good eating and fuck, so I’d have at least one more load to give Johnny.

Well, maybe one in his mouth first, and one in his sweet ass, too. I gave myself a once over in the mirror and headed for Bebe’s.

*************************************

“What the hell are you doin’ here?! Get yer ass outta here, Buck! You know after last night, Dan’s liable to come in here lookin’ for ya!”

“Nah, Bebe, no one said anything to Dan, an’ Allie Mae won’t be out tonight.

It’s all good. “

“Bullshit, boy! I ain’t havin’ no more trouble cuz a you! You ‘n Jake broke a pool cue and knocked the dartboard off the wall last night. You’re payin’ for that cue too, y’know. But you stay away from here for a week, or at least until I know Dan don’t know nothin’ or he’s done shot ya, then you can come back. I told Jake to stay out too.

“Awww, Beeeebeeee!” I whined like a c***d.

She snorted, “Don’t aw Bebe me, dick for brains, ya’ll are gonna get me shut down or shot!”

“Man, what’ll I fuckin’ do? They won’t let me in the Cattlemen’s and I can’t stand the Powder Keg. “

“Try stayin’ home one fucking night in yer life, sweetie; give that thang a rest,” she nodded toward my crotch and smiled her lifetime of honky tonks smile, shaking her big red Dolly Parton hair.

“Ok. Two minutes t’ talk to my friends? Two minutes, an’ I’ll be like greased lightning. “

She looked at her watch, mentally gauging what time Dan might come looking for me if he came tonight, “Ok, two minutes. “

I wasn’t into sitting around and waiting all evening by myself for Darla, so I figured I’d see if I could get Johnny Ray Benson to come over now. I zeroed in on Johnny by way of his buddy Chad Langer over by the second pool table, watching Mike and Jimbo play, beers in their hands– even though Johnny was only nineteen.

I spoke to Chad but kept looking Johnny in the eye as I told them my predicament, asking if anyone wanted to party at my house tonight– meaning Johnny Ray. Had to do that little dance around the issue in the company of others.

“Should be able to round up some snatch…” I tossed out for good measure, giving Johnny a sly wink. The others all knew I would never share a woman with them, nor go to the trouble to get women for them, so they had no interest in coming to my house, and that’s how I liked it: one at a time, whether it’s a girl or a guy.

“Nah, I’m in the pool tournament tonight; fifty bucks,” Chad dismissed the thought, bouncing his pool cue on the nasty old cigarette burned carpet to the Toby Keith song blaring from the jukebox.

Perfect, ’cause I knew he wouldn’t come anyway. While Chad turned his attention to the game, I looked down and tried to see around Johnny to his butt, conspicuous only to him. He blushed in the neon beersign lights and played nervously with his longneck Bud bottle.

I’d only fucked him three times now– or well, three nights, with multiple fuckings the last two times– but he was hooked on Buck Jr. and I was sure he would come with me or meet me at my place.

“So what you doin’ tonight?” I towered possessively over him, brushing my arm against his with a little static zap. “I got a fifth of Velvet and some Columbian fresh from some evil cartel at home,” I said seductively to him.

He looked up with his puppy dog brown eyes and smiled nervously, “Uh… Well, uh…” he looked around to make sure nobody was paying attention to us. I could see the farmboy’s wheels turning in his head as he debated if he needed to get fucked like a bitch again with a dick that was bigger than he thought humans could have. He stole a glance at my crotch, tapped Chad’s arm to get his attention and handed his cue to him, “I don’t stand a chance in the tournament anyway.

I spoke in a conspiratorial whisper to him, “Wait ten minutes to leave so Bebe don’t think I’m stealin’ her business, ok?” He nodded, understanding the rules of the game. He still had half a beer anyway.

***********************

I stopped and got another fifth of Black Velvet and a two liter Coke, went home and changed into some light blue silky gym shorts that showed off my dick to the extreme and made sure there was lube stationed on the end table by the couch and on the night stand by the bed.

I debated putting some in the kitchen just in case, but there was a knock at the door.

He was so fucking cute, standing there all nervous and fidgeting. “Come on in `n get comfortable; take yer boots off,” I ordered as I motioned to the couch, lifting his hat off his short brown hair as he passed and setting it on the TV beside mine.

He walked a little unsteadily to the couch and sat, taking his boots off slowly, keeping his eyes studiously trained on his task.

I stepped over in front of him and just stood there for a moment, asserting my dominance, letting him take in my muscular body with his chocolate brown eyes. My cock twitched and started growing, immediately stretching down below the hem of my shorts. Johnny Ray’s eyes grew wider and more nervous as they focused on the head of my cock. I made it jerk and he gasped. I smiled smugly and sat down next to him.

I watched him out the corner of my eye as he finished taking his boots and socks off while I rolled a fat joint. He looked over at my long tongue licking the paper and folded his hands in his lap like a good boy in church, eyes darting around nervously. We went through this the last time, too.

But the first time was in my pickup out behind Bebe’s on a slow night.

I’d really had to work him into it, joints and shots and just the right amount of pussy talk, sprinkled with horny guy cock talk, then the ol’ arm around his shoulders and the ‘I like you a lot’ and `we could be good buddies’ lines, while feeding him shots directly from the bottle, finally putting his hand on Buck Jr. and romancing him a little.

Of course, I had spotted his dick-hunger almost a month before, catching him looking at my bulging advertisement and getting boners.

I could tell he was afraid to try it, but needed to real bad, so I had worked on him subtly but steadily up to that night, with lots of little inuendo, lustful gazes and the sly brushing of his ass with my hands or `accidentally’ rubbing my crotch against him and stuff. By the time I got him into my pickup truck, there was no doubt he knew what I wanted.

He was really the best boy I’d ever had– out of nine I’d had over the years.

He was all nervous and hard to get going, but when he did, he was like an a****l and couldn’t get enough dick in his mouth or ass. And most of the others, and more of the women for that matter, had a hard time taking my cock down their throat if they could at all– not Johnny. He took it all the way to the bone, after I shoved his head down on it the first time so he knew he could.

And I figured: you gotta really want dick bad to work that hard and take such a big one down your throat. I mean, there must be somethin’ in their heads that makes them want it that bad, so I was down right obliged to give it to them.

I already had his very strong drink sitting there for him and passed him the joint. “Anything the matter?”

He took a big hit and held it for a few seconds before replying in that squeaky voice you get talking around a hit, “Uh, just a little nervous, I guess…”

I looked at his brown eyes contrasting his fair skin, several pimples dotting his cheeks.

He was cute, but Billy Ragland was beauty incarnate. ‘Where did that come from? I’m here with Johnny of the sweet ass and mouth and big brown eyes. Don’t be thinkin’ about some boy you don’t even know you can have…’

“Here, why don’t you get those clothes off. ” I took his drink out of his hand and prodded him to stand up and strip. He hesitated, then slowly stood up, his pecker bursting against his Levi’s.

I could even see it throbbing through the cloth. “Take yer time,” I said around my hit on the joint.

He looked down at me, all guilty like, eyeing my mildly hairy chest and six pack, my navel covered by the top quarter of my cock proudly stretching well past the elastic waistband of my shorts. He undid his shirt buttons, moving in slow motion– which I so got off to– revealing his beautiful hairless chest and his tight abs then his strong young shoulders to my hungry eyes.

Yeah, working the farm makes boys like him some fine young specimens of manhood. People in the city pay big money to go to gyms for what he gets naturally from his way of life.

Me too, I mean, I’ve never ‘worked out’, but I worked all my young life on my f****y’s farm until Mom and Dad died when a bus slammed into them coming back from Christmas at Grandma’s when I was eighteen– the first year us k**s didn’t go.

So my s****r and I sold the farm and she married Butthead and moved off with him to St. Louis. With my share of the insurance settlement and the farm sale, I had way more money than I ever thought I’d need and bought my secluded little house out past the edge of town and went to work at Hansen’s Lumber for something to do– devoting my life to the pursuit of tail. All I needed was sex, and lots of it.

Funny how I just fell into getting tail from boys. I’d never had much thought or desire besides playing around as a teen here and there, getting my dick sucked a couple of times by k**s my age; until that boy who came to lay carpet in my house came on to me. He was so fucking hot, and he knew what he was doing. After that, I found I really liked the whole game of manipulating boys into it, and once I’d had boy butt, well…

Johnny’s pants were coming down.

I smiled as he bent over and turned his ass to me to hide his throbbing stiffy, giving me a sumptuous view of his sweet sweet ass. I was about to lean forward and lick it when he stood up and sc****d his jeans off each ankle with alternating feet. He nervously eyed my erection stretching the shimmering material and blushed, looking down at the floor. I lifted my ass and shucked my shorts down, put my hands up and motioned for him to step over to me.

He moved warily between my feet as I reached out and turned him around. I stared at his flawless ass and blew on it. He got goose bumps all over and trembled.

Goddamn, that turned me on! I loved his nervousness. I especially loved it knowing how out of control he’d be in just minutes. I loved knowing I did this to him, that he wanted me so badly and was so scared– even for the fourth time– and knowing that he couldn’t fight his need for me, that he would give himself to me, and he would re-live having my cock in his ass and throat every time he beat off at night in his bed while his good Lutheran folks lay in the other room and thought their boy was just shy around girls.

I nuzzled my face in his crack and sighed warm moist whiskey breath into it. I flicked my tongue on the tight starfish and he jumped and moaned, arching back against my face as his little brown pucker spasmed. He spread his iron cheeks for me by twisting his knees in a little. ‘Here we go, baby…’

I licked and probed his rosebud for a minute or five, fucking him with my tongue and loving how his chute flexed and spasmed around it, how he moaned and trembled and pushed back against my face.

I pulled him down on my lap. He was surprised and awkward as I pulled him off balance, but relaxed a little when he was sat on my hard dick.

All his farmboy I-shouldn’t-be-doing-this body posture evaporated and he arched his stomach and chest out, leaned his head back on my shoulder and started riding my rod like he wanted me to stick it in without even sucking on it first this time.

He started kissing and licking at my jaw and cheek, trying to get me to kiss him. Most of the boys I’d had didn’t get into kissing all that much, but Johnny really loved swapping spit.

I growled at him, “You like sitting in my lap, on top of my big dick?”

“Yeah, yeah it feels so big to sit on like this,” he groaned into my ear while I gripped his hips and slid him back and forth on my cock, my precum and spit on his ass making it hot and slippery.

He knew from before that I really got off to talking dirty and he had better answer me when I asked a question.

I swiped my tongue across his lips and he snatched at it like a snapping turtle. “What you want Johnny? Tell me what you need. “

“I… I want you. I want you in my mouth and…” he gasped and headrushed visibly, his eyes glazing over for a moment there.

“And what Johnny?”

“And… in my butt,” he moaned again, writhing around on my lap, reaching for the back of my head to pull my face toward his to kiss. I held back from the kiss just to frustrate him, but reached around, grabbed his dick with one hand and pushed my other down between his thighs, squeezing his perineum and balls, my middle finger probing between his clenched little pucker and the underside of my shaft.

“What you want me to do to your butt, Johnny, just rub my dick around on it?” I teased.

He was loving this, but also impatient, “Fuck me! Fuck my butt like last time!”

“Ahhh, how did it feel last time, baby? Did it hurt?”

“Yeah. It’s so fucking big. ” He squirmed around on it, trying to slide up and catch the head on his entrance.

“Do you like that it’s so big?” I had to let go of his prick, because he was about to cum.

“Yeah, god yeah. It’s hard to take it all, and hurts like hell at first, but when I get used to it…”

“But you’re here cuz you need it bad, don’t ya?”

“Yeah. ” He was flushed and hardly even trying to control his breathing now.

I reached over and got the lube, raised him up by one hand under his armpit, pointed my cock between his thighs and sat him back down, with it pushing his tightened ballsack out of the way, sticking up majestically from between his legs.

“There’s your saddle horn, boy, lube it up and get ready to ride. “

He dug his fingers into the Elbow Grease (which the carpet-laying boy, Howie, I think his name was, had turned me onto) and applied it to as much of my shaft as he could get to, smearing it all over his tightly drawn, nearly hairless balls and inner thighs in the process.

“How does it feel between your legs and in your hand?”

“Big.

Huge,” he gasped. I could hear and feel his heart pounding in his chest as I reached around and caressed his tight stomach and teased his nipples. “But good. “

“You ready to sit on my big daddy dick and ride it?”

“Y-yeah, I think s-so…” He was trembling and breathing like he’d run to town and back already.

“This time you can sit on it and take it at your own pace, at first, baby.

Now show Buck Jr how good you can make him feel. “

I leaned back against the cushions, which made my cock jut up to its full length. He raised up, steadied his trembling legs between my widely spread knees and aimed it at his hole. I felt the slick pressure and heat as he sat against it, the head suddenly slipping in.

“AAAAAAGGGHHH!” He cried at the top of his lungs and held still for a minute, breathing hard and whimpering.

I remembered the first time I fucked him. It took forever to get it all the way in, with him crying for awhile, but not wanting me to stop, even when I said I was going to because I didn’t want to hurt him. And once he got used to it, he wanted me to ride him slow at first, and when I sped up, he came before I got really going and had to stop.

The second time, here at my house, I told him that if he wanted to do this again that I wouldn’t be stopping fucking him this time until I came too, at least once, so he accepted that. I rode him all the way across the living room floor on his hands and knees and down on his stomach, with him begging me to stop but freaking out when I did, pulling me back on top of him and jamming himself on my cock like he couldn’t live without it.

He came four times that night. He was hungry. The third time was a repeat of the second, but in the bedroom and then in the bathroom over the sink, and then out on the back porch for a good blowjob to finish the night before I sent him home at 3:30 in the morning.

“Oooohhhh, you’re so tight `n hot inside, baby,” I sweet talked as I kissed and nibbled around on his neck.

“Take yer time…”

“OH! Oh god it hurts! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh god!” he yelled and moaned as he slid slowly and steadily down my pole, stopping about halfway and holding for a long moment, breathing hard in loud gasps, sweat breaking out on his back and neck. He raised back up until it popped out and lowered himself back down a little further, then back up and out, keeping it aimed with his right hand.

I watched him riding slowly up and a little more than halfway down, his taut back and butt muscles straining and flexing as he panted and whimpered. His legs trembled violently and it looked like they were having a hard time raising and lowering his torso with any semblance of control. It was such a beautiful sight.

He hunkered his back and tilted his head way down in front, cupping his balls with his left hand so he could see me going up inside his body– and I was mesmerized by the sight of this boy impaling himself on my cock, accepting the pain at the beginning to get to the ecstasy at the end.

I was intoxicated by the liquid heat of his muscles clamping tightly around my manhood.

The A/C was on full blast, but he was sweating profusely, inhaling and exhaling f***efully, his loud moans broken up by his rapid sharp pants of breath into a staccato of whimpering grunts.

“Yeah, ride it Johnny! Sit down on it all the way and ride it like ya mean it!”

“Oh, it’s soooo fucking big! I can’t hardly take it.

Gotta breathe…” he whimpered as he sank it deeper and rode up and down a little faster at my urging.

“That’s what you need, isn’t it. You need my big dick spreading you wide and going too deep, don’t you. ” I growled and slapped his ass cheek, the crisp retort echoing around the room.

“YES!” He yelled like he’d been f***ed to admit it.

I felt his muscles start spasming even tighter and knew he was about to cum.

I grabbed his hips and pulled him all the rest of the way down on my staff in one lunge and sat up, peering over his shoulder just in time to see his first shot burst out and fly a good six feet through the air in a graceful arc to land on the TV screen.

The ensuing volleys made a white splatter trail between there and his hand on his nuts– not even touching his prick– as he screamed at the top of his lungs from the shock of the last couple of inches suddenly breaching the depths of his bowels and his powerful orgasm taking his breath away.

Before he was even done climaxing, I stood us up, bent him over and started plowing his ass hard and fast, as he grabbed at things that weren’t there, trying to get away. I rode him hard, jolting him nearly off his feet with every thrust. He reached back and clutched frantically at my thighs.

“PLEASE! PLEASE STOP!” He begged even as he braced himself and backed up into my furiously pumping hips.

I pushed him to his knees and crouched over him with my hand on the middle of his back, drilling down into his still spasming ass like I was breaking a mare as he yelled and moaned and grunted and cried and begged for more, “OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, OH YES, DO IT!” he cried out.

He was quiet for a minute as I fed it down into his hole, then he grunted and began pleading, “No more! Please stop! I can’t take– OHHHHhhhh, OH GOD YEEESSS!” He just couldn’t quite decide if he could take it or not, and I was loving it.

His shouts and moans were driving me inexorably to the brink as I watched his body curl into submission to my thrusting cock, offering his hungry ass up for my pleasure even as he begged me to stop. This was going to be too fast if I kept it up like this. His ass was just consuming my cock and flooding the rest of my body and brain with too much pleasure and adrenaline to hold off.

I had to slow down.

I slowed to almost no movement, with my hand pressing down on his back, forcing his face into the carpet. My cock buried deep inside him, rotating my hips to churn his bowels, I whispered, “Do ya love it, baby?”

He grunted and gasped, almost crying, “Ungh! Y-y-yeah– but it h-hurts, too. “

“Is it the kinda hurt you need? You need my daddy dick this deep inside you, baby?”

“Oh God, it’s so fucking intense!” he moaned and tied to pull away a little.

I held him in place and started a slow longdicking, backing almost all the way out, driving slowly, slowly back in all the way, all the way down.

“AaghOooogodohhhh, Oh, Oh, Oh, it’s too much… too much…” he mumbled into his forearm and bit his own skin.

I pulled all the way out, my cock dangling over his raw, spasming hole that couldn’t quite close back up.

“I’ll stop then.

As soon as he realized it was completely out, he blindly reached back and grabbed for the cock he needed to shove back in his ass, “NO! Put it back in! Please! Don’t stop! Please!” he pleaded.

“Please what?” I slapped his groping hand away.

“Please, Daddy!” He thrust his ass up toward my cock, catching the tip on his hole and trying to ride up on it.

“Please, Daddy what, boy?”

He twisted his head up to shout, “Please, Daddy FUCK ME!”

I pressed the head against his hole, “Hard? Is that how you want it?”

“Y-yesss, hard Daddy, do it hard, Daddy Buck!” he was sobbing with need and anticipation.

I shoved it all the way in and started plowing him again.

“AGHHHOHHhhhh, please!” He moved out on his hands and knees and I followed, jamming down into him as he crept forward.

He kept moving till he butted up against the stereo cabinet and I slammed him harder, watching his shoulder and the side of his head impact the cabinet, sending an avalanche of cd’s cascading down all over his sweaty back and the floor. I didn’t miss a stroke.

“NO MORE! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!” He screamed, then flexed his whole body and whimpered, “Oh God, no more, oh too much, too much-Oh GOD YE-EH-EH-AAGGGHHH!!!” He grabbed his cock and came again while I kept driving relentlessly in and out, and his spasms sent me over the edge.

I exploded into him like a firehose, yelling almost as loudly as he had screamed. I pumped my load furiously into his convulsing ass, going down on my hands and knees over him, my stomach coming to rest on his tailbone, still pistoning in and out when my load was drained.

He milked it and pulled on it and squeezed on it and milked it some more as I collapsed on him.

We fell on our sides as he milked it some more, squeezing his muscles so tightly I thought he was going to pinch my cock off at the base.

We lay down for the count on a bed of cd covers, little Garth’s and Shania’s smiling seductively up at us. Johnny was still working my cock with his ass muscles, still panting for breath, but letting out little sighs of contentment, like he was exactly where he wanted to be.

I caressed his chest and stomach tenderly, kissing his dripping wet neck and ear as he clutched at my hip, pulling me into him hard, not wanting to let my cock slip out as it gradually softened.

When it did slip out, because I had to stretch my left leg out to stop a cramp from happening, he rolled over to face me and wrapped his sweaty body into mine, kissing at my collar bone and mouthing my neck like a nursing kitten.

He mumbled into my neck, “Daaamn, Buck, I can’t believe…” He trailed off.

“Can’t believe what?”

“I can’t believe how good you make me feel, what you do to me. I… ” He caught himself. “No, I know you don’t wanna hear that. ” He kissed my Adam’s apple and snuggled in even more, sighing warmly into the cool dampness of my chest and neck.

I wasn’t about to ask him what he didn’t say.

Of course I knew. I kinda felt it too. I’d come real close to feeling this way with Jeannie Van Diesen the year before. She’d gone off to college and I was just a little lost. Then there was Jamie. I had been so into him, and he was so fine, but he picked up on my feeling and blew it all out of proportion and almost fucked everything up– and I came too close to going with it.

I didn’t like that feeling, and didn’t want this feeling now, cuz it leads to that feeling. Not good.

I looked at the VCR clock and it was after nine. I pulled his head away from me and kissed him tenderly. He clung to me, grinding his sweaty naked body into mine and kissing back passionately, already hard again. After a minute or so, I extricated myself from his embrace and stood up with some effort.

He rolled out on his back and looked up my body with that look, settling on my eyes. I looked down at his prone body and settled on his brown puppy dogs, feeling uncomfortable.

“Let’s get cleaned up. You gotta be gone by nine-thirty or so. “

“I do?” he looked surprised and very disappointed, kinda hurt. “Why?”

“Cuz I got company comin’ over, and she don’t wanna see–” I grunted defensively and snapped at him, “Aw man, don’t fuckin’ look at me like thaaaat! Shit!” I turned and went to the bathroom, mumbling under my breath on the way, “Tryin’ to make me feel all guilty `n shit.

He called after me, “I’m sorry, Buck! I just thought you might want me to stay the ni– for awhile, you know. I’m sorry,” he whined.

I started the water and sat on the commode lid, suddenly bummed out. After a bit I stood up and got in the hot spray. I had just finished washing my hair and was starting to soap up my body when Johnny Ray climbed in, all shy smiles and repentant brown eyes.

“Here, let me do that. We’ll get it done faster and I’ll get outta here. “

I let him take the soap out of my hand and he started reverently rubbing it around my chest and shoulders, slowly and sensually caressing my nipples with his other hand, eyes drawn alternately to my chest as he massaged it and up into my eyes, smiling tentatively and innocently.

He could smile all he wanted– it couldn’t cover up his longing.

I saw that look in his eyes that I always ran from real fucking fast. ‘It’s over,’ I thought. ‘I’m twenty-four. I don’t settle down with no one. And when I do someday, it ain’t gonna be with no queer boy. We wouldn’t last ten minutes in this town like that. Let him down gently. Not tonight, though, not time. ‘

When he got to my genitals, he worked the whole area over with the lather, sensuously squeezing and wringing my cock and balls in a way that would definitely have gotten me back up normally.

I was too bummed. I really liked him. He was the hottest sex I’d had in a very long time, maybe the best ever, I had to admit. Something about the way he surrendered himself so completely to me, the way he showed his need and hunger, gave me some kind of warm feeling in my gut, and made me want to hold him tight and stick my dick inside him and just keep it there, just have him and like, possess him.

But if he was going to fall in love, well, it’s over.

We dried off in heavy silence. He felt my mood though I tried to put on a smile, but it was just a drag. I watched him toweling off his tight, sexy body and my cock twitched as I thought about how fantastic his ass felt when I fucked him. Why couldn’t he just enjoy awesome sex and let it go at that?

But I knew it was partly my fault, the way I talked to him and treated him, the way I consciously tried to make him feel like he was my personal squeeze– but that was my thing, ya know? I wanted them all to feel like they were mine, like I was their man, the only one who could fill their sexual needs– but I didn’t want to be their life partner `n shit.

Too bad about Johnny Ray. But damn, he was hot and it was hard to imagine just dropping him from my list.

He got dressed and was about to head out the door and I looked at him, all subdued and kinda sad, so fucking cute, and something made me backtrack, and dammit, I said, “Ummm… If ya wanna stay…” I wondered why I was doing this. “You can hide out in the spare room while she’s here, if you’re real quiet.

He brightened up for a moment, then an unsure look overtook him, “You want me to stay? I mean, I don’t wanna, you know, distract you or anything. “

I quickly thought, `I don’t really want to sl**p alone tonight. Maybe I can figure out a gentle way of explaining to him how it ain’t a good idea to fall in love with me and we can get back to just enjoying the awesome sex.

“Well you won’t. I mean, if yer real quiet, she’ll never know you were here. ” I hesitated to say more, but did, and I don’t know why. “I’d kinda like you to stay the night. She won’t be here long. “

He absolutely glowed, looking up into my eyes with that look. It still made me uncomfortable, but I went ahead and gave him another kiss. When we pulled away from the kiss, he opened his eyes wide and said, “Oh! My pickup! What should I do about it?”

“Oh fuck! Umm… Oh, duh! Put it in the garage.

I think there’s room; I never use it. “

He ran out and got in his truck while I opened the garage door. I had to move a couple of things, then he pulled far enough in so I could shut the door.

Moments after he’d settled into the spare room, Darla pulled up outside. I wasn’t really in the mood for her now, but I wasn’t one to pass up good pussy either, so I yelled, “Door’s open!” from the couch when she knocked.

She sashayed her hips through the door with a lit joint in one hand and a bottle of bourbon in the other. “Well, how nice t’ see you’re already here, Daddy. ” She stood in front of me, straddling my knees, and bent down to give me a super-charge from the joint, letting her big tits almost fall out of her low cut blouse. I sucked in the smoke and pulled her down into my lap.

She giggled and settled herself on my groin, tracing her fingers over my chest.

We eventually worked our way back to the bedroom and I fucked her. It wasn’t satisfying though. Two things kept distracting me: One, was that I knew Johnny Ray was in the next room and could hear her grunts, moans and nasty talk– which I wasn’t into like usual. And two, I had never gone from a boy’s ass right to a woman’s pussy before in the same day, let alone in the space of an hour.

It really brought home the difference– and the difference was much more extreme than I’d ever thought– though I had to keep in mind that she’d had two k**s. One more thing to be bummed about.

I mean, I really liked fucking these queer boys, and introducing them to their queer selves in the couple of instances like Johnny Ray; but it IS queer sex, dammit! I didn’t want to think of myself that way, whether I liked the sex or not.

`I’m just horny, and will fuck any good-looking thing that walks!’ I kept telling myself as I showered with Darla. She sensed things weren’t like they usually were, but didn’t pry. She had enough things going on in her life; she wasn’t concerned about mine. I was a good lay, and that was enough for her– and enough for me.

I slapped her ass and sent her on her way, back to her k**s, to her husband who’d be getting home around 5am from work in the BF Goodrich plant over in Lebanon.

Back to the normal, mini soap opera life she waded through every day. She was actually a really nice person and pretty smart. She deserved better than she had ended up with.

She got pregnant by Chris Danforth as soon as high school ended, so they married, and it wasn’t a good match. I knew Chris pretty well, though he was two years younger than me. He’d been on the basketball team during my last year, and I’d seen his dick hard in the shower once.

Between it being pretty small, and not knowing how to use it worth a shit– according to Darla– it was no wonder she looked elsewhere for satisfaction.

I had my pick of the womenfolk not just cuz I was good lookin’ and well hung. It was more about how I made sex a “whole thing”. I knew how to make them feel special, how to make love and ride them like bitches in heat at the same time.

I knew what made their eyes cross and their toes curl. Seemed like most of the guys around the county hardly knew what the fuck they were doin’ when it came to sex. They just knew how to hop on, hump `til they came and then fall asl**p, totally unaware of the woman’s needs– or they just didn’t care. But somewhere in their pointy little beer dazed heads, they knew there were guys like me out there who knew how to satisfy their women– and were doing it– but it didn’t seem to make them want to try any harder.

Oh well, their inadequacy was my good fortune; an endless supply.

Johnny Ray came out of the room, a little sullen, slightly ashen. “What?!” I barked. He jerked like I’d hit him, but recovered and tried unsuccessfully to smile.

“It…” he shook his head, looking down. “It was kinda strange, hearin’ what y’all were doin’…” he ran his hand distractedly through his hair, watching me pour us a fresh drink.

“Well, you wanted t’ stay. “

“Yeah…”

Something was bothering him, and I wasn’t in the mood to fish for it, and didn’t really want to deal with his problems anyway. I handed him his drink and he sank heavily onto a barstool. I leaned back against the counter and chugged half of my drink.

“Buck, am I queer?” he asked with tears forming in his eyes.

I nearly spewed the drink I’d just taken all over him.

I definitely wasn’t ready for that one from out of the fucking blue.

I ran the back of my hand across my lips and chin and said, “Aw, shit, Johnny Ray, how the hell should I know?” I scowled and showed my irritation in my voice. But for some reason, I went ahead and played the hand, though, “You like getting fucked in the ass?” He blushed and weighed the question for a moment, then nodded his head in resignation, knowing he couldn’t deny it to the man who had just fucked the shit out of him while he begged for it and said how good it made him feel.

“You like sucking my dick?” Another nod as he avoided my eyes. “Then I guess you’re queer. “

Johnny Ray flinched and his face twisted up as tears rolled down his cheeks. He looked both scared and depressed as he drilled holes in his glass with blurry eyes while twisting it in his hands. “Fuck. Oh fuck,” he mumbled.

I didn’t need or want this. But I felt bad about sounding so annoyed, so I needed to say something, “Look, that’s… Hey, it’s not such a bad thing.

” I paused, trying to think. “Do you have, like, any desire for women? At all?”

He started sobbing, and I just couldn’t handle it. “N-no, n-not really. ” he turned away so I wouldn’t see him crying. “Oh God! I’m not supposed to be… I can’t, Buck! What’ll everyone say? My dad! Oh fuck!”

“Well you damn sure don’t wanna tell anyone!” I pointed menacingly at him, trying to make my point crystal clear.

“Don’t you dare tell anyone, Johnny Ray Benson!”

Goddammit, I had already been through this same shit with Jamie! Goddammit! What was it with these queer boys that they all started thinkin’ they just had to go and tell every-goddamn-one in town they liked dick? I couldn’t understand what their problem was! How stupid could they be?!

I tried to reason with him, “Johnny Ray, goddammit, you just can’t tell anyone about this! There’s fuckers in this town that’d fuckin’ kill you! You know that? I mean, they’d just love to take you outside of town and tie you to a truck and drag you down the road `til you’re fuckin’ dead, or they’d just beat you to death.

Can’t you understand that? Don Haarken and Sam Dukowski put some fag over in Lebanon in the fuckin’ hospital about ten years ago and the guy almost died! I hear he has a speech impediment now; he can’t work a job and lives with his mom over in Springfield. But you see, Johnny, it’s fuckin’ dangerous to be openly queer in Angel Hills!”

Then I softened my voice, “Look, if you’re queer, that’s ok, but I can tell ya right now, if you `come out’ in Angel Hills, yer life won’t be worth a plug nickel.

An’ I could never see you again, besides. “

His head jerked up and there was panic in his eyes. “No! Oh man… If I couldn’t see you… Oh man, I don’t know what I’d do,” he thought aloud.

“Don’t tell anyone!” I thundered. He flinched again. I again softened my tone, “Real simple, baby. That way you can come over here and get what ya need. People’ve seen you `n me together, seen your pickup here.

You go tellin’ folks you’re queer and they’ll put two and two together. Just leave it lie, `kay baby?”

He hung his head and sniffled, thinking of all the implications. I felt my heart going out to him and fought it. I didn’t want him to tell the world he was gay because that could cause me lots of very complicated problems, and I really didn’t want to try and deal with his life’s problems right now.

That was something for `couples’ to do, or really close friends– and we were neither. I knew if we got very far into this conversation, he was going to tell me he was in love with me. I needed time to think of how to steer him away from that thinking.

“Hey, why don’t we get outta here for a bit? Let’s go for a ride. “

“Huh?” he looked up at me through his tears.

“Let’s go for a ride. The fresh air’ll do ya good. “

He was thrown off a little, but nodded his assent.

We took the bottle and a joint with us and ended up out on County Line Road, still well within the county, not far out of town, driving in front of Bob Kamisky’s big old solitary house. He and Mrs. kamisky lived alone in the colonial style spread with four two storey columns supporting the front porch roof, with a little balcony in the middle as if they expected to stand and wave to crowds like the Pope or something.

Their only daughter had long since moved away– and never came back. They were cold people. They acted nice at social gatherings and church, and of course when they ran the Winn Dixie, but they were just cold, stolid, Pentecostal Bible thumpers. They weren’t the kind to preach at you, but they were very rigid in their beliefs.

Now Billy Ragland had to spend at least the summer with them. Poor k**.

Probably s*******n, the time for getting wild, the time when you can do so much and not be held responsible for it. The next year, wham! But s*******n– I know I had a good year then, and I cherished the memories even more now, because my folks were still alive then.

About a city block past the house, my headlights caught a lone figure walking toward us. It was Billy. He had on sneakers, gym shorts and a wife beater, displaying his softly muscled shoulders and delicate neck.

He looked up and squinted into the headlights. I pulled up beside him on the wrong side of the road. I rolled my tinted window down, letting the cool air out and the mosquitoes in while I turned the stereo down.

“Hey. What you doin’ out walkin’ in the dark all alone, Billy Ragland?”

He smiled relief when he recognized me, “Oh, just walkin’ and thinkin’. I told Pawpaw I was gonna jog up and down in front of the house.

Why do you always call me by my first and last name?”

“Ummm, I think that’s how I remember names when I meet someone. After awhile I’ll just call you Billy, I’m sure– but who knows? I kinda like Billy Ragland, like it just has a ring to it, y’know?”

“I guess, Buck Tennyson. ” He grinned. “So what’s it like bein’ named after a dead poet?”

“Well, It’s our last name, so it’s not like they were tryin’ to name me after Alfred Lord Tennyson or anything.

I’m told we’re not related. “

“Oh. What’s your real first name? And where did Buck come from?”

“Wayne Arter. My granddad was Arter and my dad just liked Wayne. I dunno where Buck came from. I mean, I know it’s short for buckaroo, which is a bastardization of vaquero, Spanish for cowboy, cuz the white guys couldn’t pronounce it. ” My eyes had adjusted to the moonlight, and I could see his quicksilver eyes, looking at me with intense focus.

My groin tingled. “I think someone called me Buck one day as a k** and it just stuck. So I’m stuck with Buck,” I chuckled. He smiled his dazzling smile, lighting up a mile radius, making my cock start its trip down my thigh.

He leaned his head toward the pickup and squinted to see into the darkness, “Somebody with you?”

I leaned back, “Yeah, you met Johnny Ray Benson today out front of Janny’s.

” They gave a little wave to each other, Johnny not being in a talkative mood.

“Cool. You on your way to Bebe’s or somethin’?” He didn’t know it was in the opposite direction.

“Nah, I’m eighty-sixed for a week from there. We were just cruisin’ around, thinkin’ about smokin’ a joint, when I came across you, walkin’ around in the dark like a spectre. “

“You sure seem to have a better vocabulary than any other rednecks I know.

What’s up with that?”

“Me? Well, hell, I’m really just another dumb redneck, but I got into poetry big time when I was younger. I kinda had a natural knack for writing and stuff, so I learned a lot of big words I can’t use cuz no one around here knows what they mean. ” I chuckled.

“Maybe you are related to Tennyson. So, what, you don’t write any more?”

“Nah.

You smoke weed?”

“Hell yeah, but I can’t right now, cuz I gotta go back in soon and they make me kneel down and pray with them before bed. ” He rolled his eyes. “They smell the smoke on me and they’ll crucify me– even if it was just tobacco. I doubt they know what pot smells like, but it’s smoke. “

“Bummer. “

“But hey, it’s good to know there are cool rednecks out here in Bumfuck.

I’ll be eighteen in a few months and then I can do whatever I want– fuck them!”

“You go, Billy Ragland!” I raised my fist defiantly and laughed. He laughed and shuffled his feet.

“Well… I better git on back. “

“Ya sure ya hafta go so soon?” I looked at his face and wanted to touch it.

“Yeah. I been out here awhile. See ya later, Buck Tennyson,” he smiled shyly and looked into the darkness beyond me, “See ya, Johnny Ray.

Johnny said a weak, “Later. “

Oh god, those eyes and that smile. I had an erection in my jeans and was so tempted to show it to him, to get him to look inside the window at it, to urge him to reach in and feel of it and watch his facial expressions while he did.

“See ya later, Billy Ragland. ” Neither of us moved. He looked over at the row of trees lining the road.

“See ya. ” He started walking. I put my truck in reverse and glided backward slowly, staying with him as he walked.

“See ya, Billy Ragland,” I smiled.

He laughed and kept walking, glancing up at me every couple of seconds, smiling THAT shy smile, teeth glinting in the moonlight.

“Later,” he said one last time as he started off into the grass at the corner of the huge flat yard with no trees, heading toward the house.

I stopped and watched him until he stepped up on the porch. He paused, turned his head and looked back at me, then opened the door and disappeared.

I drove on.

After a bit, Johnny spoke up, “Hot for him, huh?”

“Whattaya mean?”

“Ya got hard just talkin’ to him. “

I looked down at my now shrinking cock and realized the dashboard lights had lit it up well enough for him to see it– besides the fact that I had u*********sly stroked on it a few times while I was talking to Billy.

“Well…” I got flustered. I didn’t want to have to justify my actions to Johnny; but at the same time, I knew he was in a vulnerable state right then. I fumbled for something to say, “Ummm… He’s a cute k**– but he’s just a k**. I don’t need to be robbin’ the cradle. ” I laughed nervously, because I was definitely prepared to do just that with Billy.

“So, maybe I ain’t the only one who’s queer around here? Maybe you’re a little more queer than you like t’ think?” He said in an almost challenging tone of voice.

“DO WHAT?!” I yelled. I could not believe he’d just said all that! “What the fuck you talkin’ about, bitch?! You’d best be shuttin’ your mouth, boy! I ain’t no fuckin’ queer like you! I don’t take no dick up my ass! YOU GOT THAT?!” I boomed in my biggest voice as I pointed my finger and shook it at him threateningly in the glow of the dashlights. I almost ran off the road, corrected and sped up.

He didn’t respond, except to shrink into the door away from me. Goddamn, he pissed me off! I wanted to yell at him and ask how he thought some little twerp like him thought he could get away with sayin’ shit like that to ME?! I mean, he knew I could kick his little ass in my sl**p, goddammit! Where the hell did he get the idea he could say shit like that and I wouldn’t stomp his fuckin’ ass into the ground? I was seein’ red and havin’ to keep myself from haulin’ off and whackin’ him across the seat, but the anger funnelled itself into determination to fuck him as hard as I could `til he cried when I got him home.

I didn’t consider how fucked up in thought that was. I was blinded with rage– and stupidity.

I heard a tearful, “I’m sorry, Buck,” from the far side of the cab.

I cranked up the stereo almost full blast to block out any further thoughts or conversation, and my Blaupunkt speakers rattled until they were nearly dead as we hit 92mph on the deserted country road. I zoned out, just thinking over and over, things like: `Little goddamn smart-ass mother fuckin’ cock suckin’ goddamn mother fuckin’ little bitch! I’ll fuckin’ show him queer!’

Here I sit, looking at the hearts and initials carved into the sticky wooden bar at the Powder Keg, yet again contemplating leaving this hell-hole of a town.

I picture myself seeing the “Entering Angel Hills, population 760 (and falling)” sign in my rear view mirror as I stick my hand out the window and flip a fond farewell birdie to my birthplace.

My favorite fantasy is the one where I meet this hunky guy and we fall in love and I’m sitting in his lap– maybe with his dick in my ass– yelling ‘FUCK YOU ALL!’ as we drive our escape route through town, laughing at the shocked looks on the good folks’ faces.

When I do leave, I’m pretty sure I’ll never want to come back, even to visit my f****y. Hell, they wouldn’t want me to come back if they ever learned what I am. And I think, or at least fantasize, that if I lived in the city, St. Louis, Chicago, (gasp) San Francisco, wherever, I would come out and be able to live an open life. Scary shit to think about, but it’s mostly all I think about these days.

I might even tell them– from the safety of great distance– by letter, or phone, or Christmas card, “Hello Mom, Dad, just thought I’d let you know the reason you were never quite proud of me, the reason I never lived up to your expectations and disappointed you on an everyday basis my whole life, is because I’m a fucking faggot. That’s right! You always knew it somehow, but you didn’t want to admit it.

Well, I suck cock and take it up the ass and I hate you all with every fiber of my being for making me hate myself and hide from being me. I only sometimes hate you, April (my s****r), but I love you, Andy (my b*****r) and probably wouldn’t be alive to write this if it weren’t for you. Anyway, have a merry fucking Christmas Mom and Dad, I hope you choke and die on Aunt Velma’s shitty fruitcake.

Love, Jamie. ” I’ll probably never have the courage to do that, but who knows?

My reverie was interrupted by Allie Mae Gearherd and Sheila Van Tusen plopping their c***dbearing hips down, leaving just one empty stool between me and them.

‘What the fuck? There’s nine or ten empty stools at the bar. Why the hell you planting yourselves down here by me?’ I wondered, annoyed. But I knew why they’re sitting way down here.

They wanted to talk about the men they’re cheating on their husbands with, and not let anyone hear them over the jukebox, playing Ray Price’s classic, For The Good Times.

I don’t count. I’m safe. I don’t get involved in any of the soap operas of the fine upstanding citizens of Angel Hills. I don’t want to. All these God fearing Lutherans, sprinkled with Baptists and Pentecostals, all fucking around on each other, fifty percent alcoholics, many wife and c***d abusers, even a few d**g addicts, all standing up in church on Sunday singing about God and Jesus and America and the flag and love it or leave it; but don’t let a nigger or a fag cross the county line– they’re just not part of God’s plan.

Andy told me about the sign that used to be at each end of town: “Nigger don’t let the sun go down on you in Angel Hills” that came down in the summer of love– not that love had anything to do with it. There are still no blacks in town.

“Wassup, Jamie. I saw April with Ben Sanderman over in Lebanon last week at Jimbo’s Grill. If she thinks nobody knows she’s seein’ him, she’s sadly mistaken, ya know.

” She arched her eyebrows and gave her best ‘busted!’ look.

I retorted, “I don’t care if she’s sl**pin’ with his daddy and his dog, Allie Mae, I don’t even try t’ keep up with all the guys she fucks. ” I scowled and took a long drink of my beer.

That was enough of a pleasant response for her to turn to Sheila and carry on as if I were never there.

But the reason they had come down to this end to talk, was because it was impossible for these two to talk quietly. They were just loud, nasty-legged honky tonk girls. Allie Mae was pretty and Sheila was ok lookin’, but they only had a few more years before their days of men begging for their asses was over, when they would get too fat in the hips and their alcoholism took its toll.

So I heard every word they said as they carried on about their newest target, Justin somebody, who I’d seen somewhere before, and was pretty sure he was from Lebanon. I was so tempted to blow their minds and say `Yeah, he is a hot looking dude, ain’t he? Looks like he’d have a big dick, too. ‘ Then I had an odd feeling in my gut that these two would think it was a hoot to talk about guys with me.

That forever nixed that idea. Then Allie Mae abruptly changed to,

“But of course you know Jake won’t talk t’ me now, after Buck kicked his ass at Bebe’s last night. ” Her `night’ coming out sounding like `nat’, grating on my last nerve.

“Well I heard all about it from Jimmy. He was right there in the big middle of it,” Sheila gushed. “He helped the others take Jake down when he broke the beer bottle and started t’ go for Buck after Buck had done kicked his ass and walked away.

What a fag that boy is. ” Sheila shook her head.

“Oh girl, I knooow!” Allie Mae brayed. “But he’s my cousin and thought he was doin’ the right thang by me, cuz Buck was talkin’ shit, disin’ me, you know how he is. “

“Well he may talk shit, but boy howdy can that boy fuck!”

“What, you tellin’ me?!” Allie Mae worked her head like a sista and smirked, spreading her hands to show about ten inches between them.

“And that ain’t all, darlin’, he goes downtown like a man possessed! Mmm mm!”

“Oh, don’t even remind me, girrrrl! Remember, I’m the one who tol’ you ’bout how good he was with that snake he calls a tongue. ” Both of them gave all the appropriate head tilting, hands up and eye rolling gestures to confirm agreement with each other on this oh so tasty subject.

Well, that sent me back into my head, shutting out the rest of their conversation just as I heard Allie Mae saying something about her husband Dan smashing a bottle of Lite beer against her framed print of Garth Brooks and threatening to cut her throat if he found out for sure she was fucking Buck, blah, blah, blah…

Ahhhhh, Buck.

Buck Tennyson. Goddammit, why did they have to bring him up anyway? Probably the main reason there’s any business here in this dump, besides the seven or eight raggedy old men and women who’re here every damn day of their lives, is people staying away from Bebe’s to avoid Buck Tennyson, like Allie Mae, like Sheila, like me, and at least one or two more women in my field of vision– and when I thought about it, there were a couple of young guys I knew that, who knows, maybe they were refugees from Buck Tennyson too…

What’s it been, almost a year since he… God, I can’t count the times I’ve played it all over and fucking over in my head.

Ray was singing, “Lay your head, upon my pillow. Hold your warm and tender body, close to mine. Hear the whisper, of the raindrops, falling soft, against the window, and make believe you love me, one more time… For the good times. “

I’ve known him all my life. Well, I was around him all my life. He’s four years older than me, so I never hung out with him or nothing, but I remember how, when I was about f******n and realized I liked boys, he was a senior and on the basketball team cuz he’s so tall and so damn good looking and it was my first crush.

(Ok, I know looks have nothing to do with being on the team. ) I’d go to every game, and every practice to watch him, stare at him and fantasize about him and me. I lived to get him to look at me, to turn that dazzling smile on me, and those cobalt blue eyes, dark blue heaven. Everytime he did talk to me, I just about creamed my jeans.

I wasn’t around him much at all after he graduated, so my lust gradually focused on others, like Scooter.

Scooter Anderson was my best friend from sixth grade through eleventh. We did everything together. It was one of those close friendships where we were together so much I called his mom Mom, and he did likewise with mine.

We were the first in our school to go punk, when we were s*******n, and got the shit beat out of us more than once because of it, even though the way we dressed was nothing compared to what we saw on MTV.

But the thing was, we did it together. We did everything together.

We did d**gs all we could, and because of my closet, my frustrations and my home life, I put a very low premium on my life, doing a lot of stupid and dangerous things over the next couple of years. For just one example: driving naked and wasted at 90mph down County Line Road with one foot on the steering wheel and my hands on my cock and balls, with Scooter naked and nearly passed out laughing in the passenger seat in the middle of the afternoon, shit like that.

We got called faggot all the time because of our clothes, spiked hair and earrings, but I could never dream of actually admitting being one. I would probably have been killed if I had. Me and Scooter played with each other and jacked each other off fairly regularly. Then one night we were d***k and stoned and sucked each other off in the shed behind his house. He got Pentecostal regret the next day and I told him he was a closet case– cuz he’d been the one to instigate it, and it seemed like he got into it almost more than I did– hoping he’d admit it, then I would admit I was too.

But it backfired and he freaked out, so I went ahead and admitted I was and he rejected me, violently. So we instantly ended our friendship. At least I knew even that day that he would never tell anyone I was queer, because everyone knew me and him were together all the time up to that point, and they’d naturally assume he did whatever I did. Though I don’t want his friendship anymore, after the way he handled that, I do wish he could admit to himself what his tendencies are.

He even stopped doing the punk style and ended up dating Betty Scribner and getting married right after high school. So, because I was gay, and figured he was, I lost the only real friend I ever had.

So my first year after school was spent trying to do myself in with booze and d**gs and stupidity. My dad beat the shit out of me regularly for being useless and stupid– which I was– and I drove my car into a tree, landing me in the hospital almost dead, for a month and a half.

I actually did die, technically, and they brought me back. I thought a lot during that time and decided to cut down on my self-destructive habits– not cut them out altogether– and decided I would save up and get the hell out of here.

So after my long recovery, Dad, happy to get me out of the house, got me a job at my uncle Carl’s Lumber yard– working with Buck. I became a model employee.

I wanted to keep that job so I could be around him. It was so awesome, because he treated me like an adult, like he liked me, when no one else did.

I fell in love with him all over again. I would just watch him and drool. I realized later that he was very aware of my condition. He played to it, he’d pose, he’d get aroused and make it plenty visible for me when it was just us.

And I looked every chance I got. I fantasized about him every single night.

I was so conditioned to hide my feelings, to absolutely never make the first move, we skirted around the issue for months. I was too stupid to pick up on his sometimes direct come-ons, thinking he was just joking with me. I didn’t think he was bi. I knew he got laid by all kinds of women all the fucking time; that’s pretty much all he talked about.

I started hanging out at Bebe’s when Buck told me she doesn’t check ID’s unless you look way too young or act stupid. Anyway, I’d see him hit on women, especially married women, and leave with them on a regular basis; so I just couldn’t conceive of him wanting to do anything with a guy, with little ol’ outcast me.

At some point, he got tired of dragging it out I guess, and he started working the situation.

One really hot July afternoon, we were moving plywood. He took off his shirt and flexed his muscles and stretched, then reached down and scratched his nuts and kept his hand there. He knew I was watching him and put his other hand on his stomach, rubbing it slowly around in the sweat, up on his gorgeous chest, making me tingle. He looked like a dream, a fantasy man from some Shania Twain video, too hot and sexy for this state.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, “So how come you never have a girlfriend?”

I was stunned speechless. I hadn’t expected anything like that! I blushed crimson, the heat making me dizzy. “Uhhhhhhh…”

He stood there slowly rubbing his stomach and chest, getting a kick out of my squirming and blushing, “You mean t’ tell me, as young as you are, you already know better than to get hooked by one?” He smiled a knowing smile at giving me an obvious way out.

I mumbled, “Yeah… I guess so,” refusing to meet his gaze.

He squeezed his cock through his Levi’s and kinda pointed at my hair with his free hand. “So, I been wonderin’, what does the spiked and bleached hair and all those earrings mean?”

“Huh?”

“Well, like, does it say you’re a hip-hopper? A punk? Straight? Gay? What?”

Oh my God, I couldn’t believe he’d asked me something like that! “Uhhhhhhhhh… well, it don’t really mean any particular thing.

It’s just a s-s-style,” I stammered. And I wasn’t about to respond to the sexuality question at all.

“Oh. ” He thought for a moment, “You do d**gs, though, right? I know ya do, you’ve talked about it before. “

“Hell yeah– but not as much as I used to. “

“Can you get exstasy? I hear about it all the time, but don’t know where to get it. I read somethin’ on the net about it’s great for sex.

“Uhh, yeah… I can get it, but it’s twenty-five bucks a hit. “

“For ONE?!”

“Yeah. That’s the goin’ price for X these days out here in the sticks. “

“Fuck! It must be one helluva trip!”

“Yeah, well, it is if you’re like, at a rave. Like, the techno music kinda makes it work, y’know?”

He contemplated that concept for a moment. “Any raves around here?”

I smirked.

“Oh yeah, every Tuesday at Trinity Lutheran in the day care room!” I spouted sarcastically and laughed.

He laughed too, then thought for a moment more, “Well, do you have any cd’s of rave music?”

“Oh yeah,” I nodded my head smugly. “I got a few. “

“Well then I got a plan. If you can get us some exstasy, you can bring it over my house and we’ll make a rave right there in my living room.

I got a helluva stereo system, and we can crank it up as loud as we want, cuz I got no neighbors for miles. I’ve just been wantin’ to try it. “

“Oh, man, that’d be awesome!” I gushed, getting very excited. I actually forgot his attaching sex to ecstasy in his comments at that moment.

“How soon can ya get it?”

I furrowed my brow, “Umm, tomorrow, maybe. I hafta go to Lebanon to get it.

“That’s cool. So, how `bout we plan for a rave, Friday night at Disco Buck?”

“Cool!”

*************************

I was so damn excited and in such a hurry, I got a fucking speeding ticket on the way to Lebanon the next day. Needless to say, I drove very cautiously back, with four hits of exstasy in the trunk– I wanted two on hand for another time.

It seemed like it took six months for Friday to arrive.

He told me to come over at seven, and I showed up at a quarter til. I laughed so hard when he opened the door. He had spiked his hair with gel or mousse, and was wearing what he thought was rave attire– half right, with the cargo pants, but a dorky pullover shirt that lost all the effect. But as my laughter subsided, I realized he’d actually gone to some trouble to get into it for me, and I thought that was really cool; so I made him think my laughter was just because it was him, a redneck doing it, not because of the way he looked.

And even in those clothes and that attempt at a spike, he looked fucking hot!

I told him it takes anywhere from fifteen to forty-five minutes for it to hit you, so we drank some bourbon & coke and sorted through my cd’s. He really seemed to like the music, though he couldn’t quite get the hang of dancing to it at first– cuz it wasn’t exactly boot scootin’ music. I tried to show him how `we’ did it and he copied me pretty well.

About the time I started feeling the exstasy, he said he was feeling something too. He moved the sofa back against the kitchen bar so we could really move around and he started getting the hang of dancing to the hypnotic music, with its high energy beat.

He had the stereo cranked up very loud, so I tiptoed up into him and tried to speak in his ear, “I forgot to tell ya, the way this usually works is, ya get a big `up’ rush for a while, then ya get a `down’ rush for a while, then ya kinda go into a middle ground.

It’s hard to explain, but you’ll see what I mean. “

He nodded his head and started moving around the room spinning, arms going every which way. I was getting off to watching him so much I forgot to notice my cock getting hard.

When the cd ended, I went to change it and he stood in the middle of the room as if frozen. The moment the music started, he began a wild dance all over the room.

“YEAH! I REALLY LIKE THAT ONE!” he yelled over the music, pointing to the stereo, indicating the William Orbit I was playing.

We both danced like wildmen around the room, then he started slamming me. I wasn’t about to explain that this wasn’t punk or oi!, as I wanted the body contact with him. He accidentally knocked me into the stereo cabinet and rushed over to see if I was alright, apologizing profusely.

I told him I was fine, but let him hold me against him from behind and to the side the way he’d grabbed me. He was sweating and he smelled incredibly good to me.

We took a little break when the cd ended. “Man, this is such a fuckin’ fantastic feeling! It was worth $25. !” He raised his hands in the air, “Every fucking penny!”

I had a laughing fit at that, and of course it was contagious.

We ended up slumped together in the middle of the floor, hanging on to each other laughing.

“Man, the music is so, so, full of energy! And my body feels so, exotic!” He was feeling around his chest and stomach sensuously.

“Yeah, that’s a good word for the feeling!” I enthused. “Check this old school out…” I put in a cd of Jean Michel Jarre and we resumed dancing.

We went wild and started slamdancing again, but much gentler than they do it in clubs.

After a few minutes, I saw him bouncing in one spot, more like jiggling, then all of a sudden he got this crazy look in his eyes and started ripping his clothes off. Literally. He shredded his shirt, and ripped it in places he didn’t even need to, to get it off– he was just enjoying ripping it up. My cock again went rigid and drooling in seconds as his hardbody was revealed.

I just stayed in place dancing, freaking totally out that he was doing this, and trying not to stare as he did his frenetic striptease.

He tried to rip his cargo pants off, but could only get them to rip down the ass. He almost looked like he was panicking that he couldn’t get the elastic in the waistband to rip, and finally just shoved them and his boxers down and off, dislodging his running shoes in the same frenzy.

When he stood back up in all his naked glory, I just about came in my pants.

He stood so proud, like a god, inviting all to worship his magnificence. He didn’t move a muscle, dwelling somewhere in his head for the moment. I was still as stone, staring, my erection visible in my pants if he happened to look. The beat was thumping my chest, but I couldn’t move, mesmerized by the vision of my lifelong desire, poised mere feet away from my astonished eyes.

I drank in the sight and etched it into my brain.

I’d seen his dick both soft and somewhat aroused in his jeans plenty, but that didn’t prepare me for the stunning sight before my eyes. I had looked at a fair amount of straight porn on the net with my b*****r Andy, on his computer– I didn’t have one– and had never seen this big a dick except on black men, and it wasn’t even hard.

Momentarily, he broke from his spell and looked at me.

A grin started and spread from ear to ear and his blue eyes sparkled. Then he started dancing again, but stopped after a moment, giving me a look and hand gestures like `Well, are you gonna get naked too, or what?’

He yelled over the music, jerking me out of my trance, “Clothes are a drag! It feels so real without them!” and nodded his head to encourage me.

Well. I was between a rock and a hardon.

I wanted to get butt naked with Buck Tennyson more than anything in the fucking world! BUT, I had a hardon that would not go down. I was panicking. I looked at his cock and judged he wasn’t obviously aroused– even though it hung so long and thick it was bigger than most cocks fully hard– but looking made my cock throb even more intently. I wasn’t about to take my pants off and let him see my raging boner!

I took my shirt off and did an `I’m shy’ pose to say I wasn’t taking my pants off, giggled, and resumed dancing, trying to figure out what to do.

He looked at me strangely, then started dancing too. I figured if I danced for a couple of minutes without looking at him, my woodie might go down and I would go ahead and take my pants off too. I didn’t think about what would happen once I got them off, that I’d probably just get hard again.

So I danced around with my back to him for a bit. All of a sudden, my cargo pants were down around my ankles.

He’d just come up behind me and pulled them and my briefs down too fast for me to react. He bounced up and down, moving around me laughing, his huge rhythm-stick bouncing joyously free all over his thighs, stomach and down under his heavy bouncing nuts, easily slapping his own ass with it.

I thought, `Well, the cat’s out of the bag, so to speak, I might as well go with it.

‘ So I started jumping up and down, with my pants around my ankles, hardon slapping my belly as I jumped. Buck was laughing hysterically as he jumped, circling me slowly. I was red with embarrassment, but had such a euphoria going I didn’t let it distract me from laughing along with him.

When I lost my balance and fell to my knees, I decided to take the pants and shoes off, so I sat in the middle of the floor and watched him bounce around me while I removed my shackles.

The second I stood and started dancing again, he started slamming again– but it had a whole new dimension to it now that we were both naked. It felt so, I don’t know, tribal?

And sexy, very sexy. My cock was raging hard, even with the frenzied movement and bouncing. I noticed Buck started filling out more too, and he seemed to prefer slamming my backside then pushing me forward. And he was so much bigger than I, he would scoot me across the room, rubbing his dick on my tailbone and ass, before moving away.

I was in heaven! Dancing naked with the man I’d fantasized about for years rubbing his aroused cock against my ass, thinking this had to be leading to something sexual. Yeah, X in general, with music like this, would tempt most people to get naked and dance, but it wouldn’t give them hardons while doing it.

When he would scoot me across the floor from behind, I started flipping around and pushing back against him, stomach to stomach– well stomach to groin, since he was so much taller than me– and that ground his ever growing dick into my stomach while mine jabbed at his thighs.

He’d let me push him backwards, in the spirit of the dance, since he could very easily hold ground if he wanted to.

Then I pushed him back against the edge of the sofa and he grabbed at me to keep from falling, pulling me into an embrace, but we fell laughing onto the sofa anyway. He was still holding me in his arms as we laid out and our laughter subsided.

Here we were, me laying on top of him, his humongous, nearly hard organ beside mine, pressed between our bellies.

I saw the look of `What now?’ in his eyes, that I’m sure reflected the same look in mine. Shit, I didn’t know what to do! I was counting on him knowing and showing the way!

“Guess we both needed a breather, huh?” He still had his arms around my back, holding me down on him, my elbows in his sweaty armpits.

“Yeah,” I agreed, and thought, `But what about our hard dicks crushed between us? Did you happen to notice that too?’ I watched the transition in his eyes from the rush of dancing energetically to what looked to me like he was considering the same things I was.

“I’m fine right here,” he said kinda husky voiced, glancing down to where my nearly flat pecs met his firm, rounded, manly, hunky, perfect dream set of pecs.

And I mean Buck Tennyson had the most perfect chest in the county, in my humble opinion.

“Me too. Just fine. Right here. ” I blushed at my forwardness and studied his shoulder nervously.

“I think I like this better than dancing. ” He grinned and let his hand wander down my back toward my ass cheeks.

I was scared as hell, could hardly believe this was happening– but it damn sure was.

Even in my extremely limited experience, I knew damn well I was in a sexual situation, and his eyes told me that was exactly what it was we were in. Oh my fucking god. YES! I was trembling, heart racing, but ready to go for it, “Yeah… this is way better than dancing. ” I smiled shyly, lips twitching uncontrollably and sticking to my teeth.

He brought one hand to my neck and held it, while pushing down on my ass with the other, “Way better,” he mumbled, pulling my head down to his to kiss me lightly on the lips, then releasing his hold.

I raised my head and looked him in the eye.

I was just having a really hard time accepting that this was actually happening– things never work out this well for me! I just never get things I really, really want. But it was happening. Not only was it happening, but he was the one instigating it– and not being shy about it either. I boldly brought my lips back to his and snaked my tongue in between them.

He welcomed it and sucked it gently into his mouth to spar with his, while he kneaded my ass cheeks and hunched up into me.

I was fully engrossed in the moment, every slight movement we made, every nuance of his lips and tongue, his hot mass of powerful flexing muscles underneath me, his huge cock twitching insistently at my stomach; but I was also thinking back on all the years I’d loved him and fantasized about him, and the last few months working together and how I’d been wishing just that one dream would come true for me.

Just that one, and I had sworn if it did I’d never ask for anything else, ever again in my life. And here it was, coming true.

Horny as I was, as much as I wanted to dive on his cock, I didn’t want to break the kiss. It felt like the kiss meant he was into me, not just wanting to get it on. I honestly could have stopped after the kiss and gone home floating on air– forget the ecstasy, this was outdoing it for sensation in every way, although I’m sure the X was heightening the physical sensations, cuz it just does that.

When he let our lips part, it was to kiss my eyes and trail around my cheeks and jaw, holding the back of my head. I kissed and nibbled at his ear and whispered, “You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this, Buck. Since High school. “

“Really? Is that why you used to come to all my basketball practices?” he pulled my head back to look in my eyes.

“You remember that? You actually noticed me there?”

“Yeah, I noticed you. I didn’t know why you were always there, but I noticed you staring at me a lot. ” He chuckled, “But back then I… Well, let’s just say, I didn’t have a proper appreciation for half the population. ” His cock twitched and he gave an evil boyish grin that made my heart flutter.

I speculated, “Man, if you’d had that `appreciation’ for me then, I can’t imagine how different my life would’ve gone, the things I would’ve done differently.

I was so in love with you. ” I got a little melancholy and I guess it showed in my eyes.

“I know you’ve been through a lotta shit, Jamie. I remember Carl thought you were gonna die when you had that car wreck, and how him and your dad both thought you kinda did it on purpose. ” He didn’t respond to my saying I was in love with him.

“Well… I didn’t have much goin’ for me then.

” I mumbled, “I just kinda didn’t care what happened. “

As usual, when the subject came up, I involuntarily had to watch the video in my mind. It always started with me throwing the empty whiskey bottle out the window and noticing the road got very bumpy all of a sudden as I looked in front of me and saw the tall weeds bowing to my bumper, and then deciding, `That one looks good as any.

‘ as that tree headed at me at 50mph in slow motion, watching the second the front of my car folded itself around the trunk as my face hit the windshield. Then nothingness, blackness, then the light in the distance, Gramma smiling with her arms stretched out to me, then the electric jolt as the doctor shouted at nurses, frantically grabbing at instruments while I tried unsuccessfully to tell them not to bother…

He traced my eyebrow with his fingertip.

“There’s always somethin’ to live for, Jamie. “

I looked in his eye and thought for a moment. I smiled crookedly, “Well, I just now found that out… but I didn’t know it back then. “

He smiled understanding at me and after a moment of silence, motioned for me to get up. I became very nervous again as he took me by the hand and led me to his bedroom. We stood beside the bed and he enveloped me in his arms, feeling my ass while I felt his strong back muscles working with his arm movements.

I was fighting back tears of excitement and happiness at just being held so tightly against his big amazing body.

He leaned down and kissed my neck, sending shivers all over my body. “Ever done anything with a guy?” he asked softly in my ear.

“Ummm, once. ” I figured he was wanting to know if I’d ever been fucked, “I sucked Sc– this guy once. “

“That’s all you done?”

“Yeah.

” I felt his huge cock lurch against my stomach at my answer and I got scared. I knew I was about to get fucked for the first time, and it was going to be with the biggest cock I’d ever seen. I was having second thoughts– big time– as I looked around his bedroom, picturing him in the big unmade bed, fucking some woman while she cried out in ecstasy, picturing him just waking up on any given morning, pee-hard jutting into the air, sneaking the image of me waking up next to him in there, trying it on for size.

“Did you like it?”

“Yeah. ” I was trembling uncontrollably and rushing and my breath was making noises in my throat.

“Do you wanna do more?” He sounded so fucking sexy, with his deep voice in my ear, so confident and in control, making me tingle on top of all the other symptoms of lust and fear.

I managed to squeak out, “More than anything… with you.

” Scared or not, I’d wanted this way too much and way too long to back out now that it was actually happening. I pulled back and looked up at him with watery eyes, “But I’m… scared. ” I took a deep breath. “You’re so big. “

“Ohhh, Jamie,” he pulled my face into the crook of his neck and shoulder, “Don’t be scared. You’re trembling so…” He stroked up and down my back, sending tingles all through me.

“Relax, baby, I won’t hurt you. ” His voice was so deep and comforting it did take away some of my trembling. “I’ll make it feel so good you’ll never wanna stop. “

“But, but, it’s gotta hurt!” I whined as I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his scent, making my cock and ass both twitch.

“Well yeah, it always hurts some at first, for anyone, but once ya get used to it, it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever felt in your life.

” He pulled my head away from his neck and kissed me tenderly. “Trust me?”

It was hard to form words around my ragged breath. “Yeah. “

“Be my baby?” He kissed my forehead, holding my head with both hands.

“Yes… yes. ” I inhaled his breath and kissed his chin.

He pulled my head back to look in my eyes and said, “I’ve been wantin’ this for a long time, too.

My legs were like rubber already, so when he relaxed his grip on me, I sank to my knees in front of him. His cock was dripping with power and masculinity and testosterone and everything I’d always wanted. It was so fucking huge in my vision that I almost started crying again with a mix of fear and anticipation. I brought my trembling hand to it and finally got to hold the focus of all my dreams and fantasies.

I held it at the base and my finger couldn’t quite meet my thumb around it. I squeezed as I pulled my hand toward my face and precum issued from its slit, hanging down several inches.

Assuming I should, I cautiously dipped and caught the end of the string on the tip of my tongue, following it to its source, where I scooped it out of the deep slit and rolled it around on my tongue.

I had tasted and swallowed my own and Scooter’s cum, and I suppose I’d tasted his precum that night, but I was not prepared for how much I loved tasting Buck’s. I’m sure it was because I had wanted this to happen with him so badly for so long, and what he’d just said, that just this one erotic thing, catching and licking up his precum and tonguing his slit had me almost cumming without touching myself.

I pulled back to look at it again, and saw my tongue was connected to his cock by still more of the viscous clear honey and spit. He moaned with pleasure at the sight of the connecting string, and maybe at my look of lust and wonder. I sucked it in like spaghetti, following it to the big flared head, pushed my lips onto it and entered heaven as it entered my mouth.

And it filled my mouth to overflowing as I sucked in inch after inch. It was so thick and wide it hit my teeth on the sides. I remembered Scooter telling me to `watch the teeth’ when I was sucking him that night, but I couldn’t prevent Buck’s shaft from hitting the sides. I just hoped they didn’t scratch him.

He took my head in his hands again and started pumping slowly in and out.

I was grateful that he took over, because I didn’t know what I was doing, really, and I just knew I wanted him to take total control. It was instinct. I wanted to offer myself to him in every way possible. I wanted him asserting his maleness over me, feeding me his sex, his maleness, making me give him pleasure.

“Oh yeah, like that. ” He flexed his cock in my mouth and asked, “Is this what you been wantin’ all this time, baby?” I nodded my head and moaned on his shaft.

“You love my daddy dick?” I nodded some more and moaned even louder.

If ever there was one, this was a daddy dick, and he fed it to me tenderly, pressing it to the back of my throat.

“Feel my balls, baby,” he moaned.

I reached up and cupped them in my hand and thrilled to the weight of them, rolling them around and pulling down. He withdrew his cock from my mouth and stood it up against his belly, “Lick `em, baby.

Suck on `em. “

I took one in my mouth and thrilled to this new sensation, going back and forth between them, licking underneath when I’d let one slip out to search for the other in the wrinkly sac. The smell of his sweaty groin was making me lose myself in it more and more as I sucked and nudged them with my nose and ground my face into them and the base of his cock.

I actually thought, `My face belongs here, in his crotch. This is heaven, pure and simple. ‘

He pulled back, aimed his shaft at my mouth and I opened up to take it back in– but he held it just out of reach, holding my hair in his fist so I couldn’t get to it.

My mouth was gaping open and my tongue stretched out toward the tip and I wanted it so bad and I didn’t know why he was holding back and I needed it so bad and why wouldn’t he let me have it?

His voice was low and husky, “Love it, baby?”

“Yesss!”

“Need it?” he teased.

“Yes! Please!”

He tilted my head up and looked down at me with a stern but lustful expression. “You wanna be taken by a man, don’t you. You want me to be your daddy, don’t you. “

I looked into his eyes while all kinds of images went rolling through my mind, and like a slot machine, one by one, they came to a stop with a click on a triple, “Yes,” I squeaked out.

“Yes what?” He pulled my head back further with his fist.

It took me a couple of seconds to snap to what he was wanting me to say, then I blurted out, “Yes, Daddy!”

He smiled down at me, acknowledging my having just submitted to him on all counts. “Then show me what I’ve been missin’. “

He let go of my hair and I dove on his cock, working furiously back and forth to show how eager I was to please him, fondling his big heavy nuts with my hand.

Then I would let his cock slip out to slide my lips down the shaft and slurp a nut in through my lips and grind my face into the wrinkly hairy skin while I squeezed his cock with my hand, then tongue my way back up the underside of the shaft to gulp down as far as I could go on the unbelievably long shaft. I tried, I pushed, I gagged, I choked, I shoved my face onto it, but I just couldn’t get it all the way into my throat.

I was getting frantic, trying, and I could get it in my throat some, but I just couldn’t get it all the fucking way in!

This was better than my fantasies. I had always wanted him to take me, if only to just have sex, and especially if he could love me too, but I hadn’t really thought through what kind of attitude he might have if it happened. All I knew at that moment was that the way he was doing this was turning me on like I’d never thought possible.

I thought, `Yes, I want you to be my daddy, to take me and make me yours. ‘ I smiled in my mind at the thought of all the comedians who’d played on the phrase `Who’s your daddy?’, and glowed at the reality that it only made its way to their lips because there had to be a lot of sexual daddies and their girls or boys out there for real, and I was finally one of those boys for the daddy of my dreams.

I had always been drawn to dominant guys, and had always wanted to have sex with them– and there were a few here in Angel Hills that turned me on that way, some even bigger and more muscular than Buck. But Buck Tennyson was always at the top of that heap in my mind’s eye. He was the ultimate male as far as I was concerned– and with his drop dead gorgeous body, face that could stop traffic at a NasCar race and eyes that could melt you into little puddles of goo, plus his near legendary cocksmanship thrown in, I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

After several minutes of me working his cock over like a starving calf, he reached down and effortlessly lifted me off my knees and sat me in the middle of the bed. He laid me back and climbed in between my spread legs. He looked down at me and he was so fucking handsome and sexy and powerful and so… I could cum just looking at him.

He hooked under my knees and pushed them back against my chest.

I was so turned on, but so scared too, my mind could hardly cope with it all.

“Oh baby, what a beautiful ass,” he hissed. He bent down and licked my ass, sending jolts of electricity all through me. I had never even conceived of anyone actually licking someone’s ass during sex. Sure, I’d heard plenty of joking references, but just hadn’t thought it was something people actually did. “Sweet, sweet ass,” he mumbled into my spasming hole.

He raised back up. “Hold it up for me. ” I replaced his hands behind my knees and pulled even farther down to put my ass up more. “Yeah, like that. “

He attacked full face and it was like a steady electrocution in a most wonderful way. He licked, nibbled and sucked from my ass to my nuts, then went up over my nuts and licked the underside of my rigid cock to the tip.

He took the tip in his mouth and teased it with his tongue, then let it plop out, glanced up at me as I flapped my mouth in wordless awe, then forged his way back to my hole, lapping sensuously at my tender hairless skin along the way. He f***ed his incredibly long tongue into my convulsing hole and I cried out at the most amazing thing I’d ever felt in my life to that point.

I almost came again. He worked it in and out like a cock, giving me a hint of what was to come.

If this was anywhere near what a dick felt like, I was going to love it like crazy. I relaxed and rode his very talented tongue. I was rolling on the X-coaster in the sensations now, and didn’t notice the first finger joining his tongue. It wasn’t til the second finger joined in and the tongue ventured back up my perineum to my nuts that I realized there were fingers inside me.

A third finger joined in and I began to feel what it meant to be stretched. He had very big hands with long thick fingers.

He reached over to the nightstand and scooped up some lubricant, applied some to his shaft, and some to my ass, working the lube into my hole with the three fingers. He was on his knees between my legs, looking down at me with the most sensuous, seductive look on his face, glowing in the soft lamplight.

“Feel good?” He worked his fingers in and out slowly.

“Yeah. ” It did, in a way, but not totally. It was hard to decide just how it felt.

“Now just relax and give your ass to me. Just think of how much you been wantin’ me inside you all this time. ” He leaned over me and replaced his fingers with the head of his cock.

There was just no comparison.

It was so much bigger and blunt and God it was fucking huge!

“Push out like you’re takin’ a dump. It’ll make it easier for ya. “

I pushed and so did he. The head slipped past my sphincter and I screamed.

“AAAGHHH! OH MY GOD! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” I babbled. My head thrashed from side to side and I clutched the sheets with white knuckles.

I wasn’t ready for this. I was almost ready to beg him to stop.

“Relax Jamie, relax. I won’t do any more til you get used to it. ” He held there for a while. Then he lowered his head and kissed me.

I flung my arms around his back and kissed him desperately as he held there for about a minute, then pushed ever so slowly into me. I whimpered and cried into his mouth and tried to remember that I had wanted this, had fantasized about it– had even had wet dreams about it.

I tried to focus on how I actually had the man of my dreams over me, kissing me, taking me like I had always wanted– and it helped a lot.

He stopped his inward thrust and pulled back, then started back in. He got into a slow rhythm in and out. I didn’t know how far in he was, but it felt like he was practically in my throat already. I tried to divide my attention between the kiss and the fencepost being shoved in my ass, and it began to feel ok, and after a few minutes it was starting to feel pretty good, mostly.

My mind and body were having a hard time deciding which was more powerful: the pain or the pleasure. Something in me was trying to tell me that I welcomed this particular kind of pain and my mind flashed the memory of someone telling me there was a fine line between pleasure and pain and in this moment, that made sense finally. He upped his tempo a little and it felt even better, but I did realize he wasn’t all the way in yet because his groin wasn’t yet touching my ass on his down strokes.

But just what was going in felt like more than my body was designed to handle, and yet, I knew I would take it all, and instinctively knew I would love it once I got used to it– plus that, he had told me I would love it. He knew what he was doing.

He was taking his time and I was thankful. I didn’t even realize when I started subtly raising my ass to meet his slow thrusts until I noticed my body was humming with the sensation of his immense shaft plunging my bowels, sending shockwaves through my body, making me crawl up on him and cling tighter to him because I didn’t know if I was feeling everything right, if this was the way it was supposed to feel, but it was making my toes curl and my fingers dig into his back and I needed to bite down on something and had to concentrate on not biting his lips or tongue when he would come down and kiss me every few thrusts for just a moment.

It just felt like I had no control over my body, that it was just wringing itself out in ecstasy and pain, unsure of the distinctions and I was just along for the ride, trying to get every last inch inside me so I would know what it felt like to take Buck into me all the way. But he hit a barrier somewhere up in there, so he stopped pumping and just put steady pressure on it, pushing in to get past that muscle ring and it hurt.

I gritted my jaw and trembled and whimpered.

“Open up for Daddy, baby, open up and let me in there,” he demanded in a tone that made me want to obey him, and please him. He hypnotized me with his steady soothing voice, lowering his mouth to mine and swiping my lips with his tongue. He pulled his face back and drilled my eyes with his, looking resolute, looking like he was determined and was going to get what he wanted and I tried to let him know that I wanted him to get it, wanted to let him in and be his, but I didn’t know how.

“Relax for me, Jamie, let me in… let me in…” He kissed me again and added, “Then you’ll have me all the way inside you where no one else will ever go. Relax…” He kept up the pressure.

I wanted to say so many things, like, `Yes! Go ahead and go in! No one else will ever go there? Does that mean you want me for yourself? Do you love me too? I LOVE YOU, BUCK! YES! I’ll let you in! Thank you God!’ But all I could manage in that moment was a hoarsely whispered, “Yes, Buck.

” And the moment I said that I felt the muscle give and his head slip through and it hurt like hell, but looking in his eyes erased the pain as I felt his pelvis contact my tailbone and in that instant, I knew I was his.

I wanted him to fuck me and keep fucking me and keep on forever because I always wanted to feel this way and never thought I ever would, and to fall in love in an instant even when I’ve loved him all my life was just about too much to handle…

I was on the verge of crying, with a mixture of pain and joy.

Maybe the X had something to do with it, maybe not, but it was just overwhelming and I couldn’t hold back my cries and moans and babbling as he steadily increased his pace, fucking me all the way to heaven and back again. Oh, it still hurt, but the jolt my body got each time he would bottom out inside me was all that kept me from floating away on the pleasure, kept me centered in the here and now, in the intense moment with Buck, moaning and sweating over me, darting his head down every little bit to kiss me briefly, giving me everything I’d ever wanted in my entire life.

“Yeah, that’s it baby, give that ass up to me, ride up on it, oh yeah,” he said in a throaty growl as he drove me into a state of euphoria that was beyond my existence, bigger than me.

I had my legs wrapped around his waist and his arms were under my shoulders, then he twisted his wrists and took my head in his hands, holding me firmly in place while he started thrusting his huge cock into me hard, jarring my body, shocking me, scaring me.

He got this intense, penetrating look in his eyes and I wanted to ask him if I was doing it right, taking him right. He almost looked angry, I thought. This was hurting every time he slammed into my little frame and I didn’t know if I could take anymore and I was nervous and scared and tears started forming in my eyes and I wanted to ask him what to do, when he drove it home hard and held for a while, gyrating his hips sensuously.

He pulled my head up to his face and kissed me softly, so softly, after he’d pounded my ass so hard and then this holding, gyrating and that look on his face and then this tenderness… I was confused and finally realized I had no idea what I was doing in any of this and he did know and I needed to just give myself to him and let whatever happens happen. God I loved him.

I loved him so hard I almost passed out from the whole thing, it was so overwhelming.

While he ground down into me and swiveled his hips and kissed me tenderly, the tears made it out of my eyes, but they were tears of joy and love and sensations I couldn’t have imagined would be so amazing and intense. His cock embedded inside my body was the most phenomenal sensation I’d ever known and I wanted it in there forever and ever again and again.

“Ohhhh baby, you feel so good in there, you’re so tight. Feelin’ real good to ya now?”

I could only nod my head and moan up into his cobalt blues and squeeze his cock with my muscles, getting a gasp from both of us.

“Want me to fuck you now, baby?”

My eyes went wide from the slits they had been and I clutched at his back to hang on, my answer that I was ready and he should go for it.

When he raised his head back up, still holding my head firmly between his hands and started pounding my ass hard again, it no longer hurt– well, not in a painful way. It hurt, but it wasn’t a painful hurt. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was exactly what I needed and wanted from then on. I mean, I wanted this every minute of the day if I could have it.

There was nothing in this world that could feel any better to me and my heart just swelled so full to the brim with love for Buck and I was sure I saw the same love in his eyes, just that he showed it in that intense and smoldering way that would send chills down my spine cuz he was so intensely male and strong and it was just how he showed his love for me…

Still holding me by my head with both hands, he lifted me by my head to a sitting position in his lap, with him sitting back on his haunches.

With my face directly in front of him, he looked me in my glazed eyes and ordered me, “Hold my shoulders and ride it. “

I grasped his shoulders and started riding up and down, digging my heels into the bed for leverage. He released my head and gripped my ass with both hands to steady me as I gasped and bucked up and down on him and just about lost my mind at feeling my ass constrict around his shaft and plunge that immense length of thick flesh inside my own liquid tightness.

I had never dreamed anything could feel like this in my body. It was too much sensation, too intense, too powerful. Overloaded– both physically and mentally– I went into a zone, where I existed only to give my ass to him, and it didn’t matter if it hurt or not, as long as I was making him feel good. I drove myself faster and harder up and down on him, slamming myself down grunting.

My eyes rolled back in my head and I vaguely heard his words as my consciousness was wrapped around his cock, riding, pulsing, squeezing.

“That’s it baby, lose yourself in it. Yeah. That’s all that matters, having my big dick inside you, it’s all you need…” His voice was again hypnotic, trickling through somewhere on the periphery of my awareness.

It was all so intense I didn’t even notice my orgasm coming up on me.

All of a sudden I was crying out and spraying our upper bodies with my spunk, still riding him like a bronco, holding on for dear life. When the last jet sprayed, the rest just flowing out, he roughly pushed me down on my back, held my ankles in the air and started riding me harder than I’d ridden him.

The interior of my ravaged, previously virgin ass was ten times as sensitive now that I’d cum, and his piledriving cock was traumatizing it so voraciously I thought my mind was going to snap and I would have to be carried away in a white jacket.

I whimpered and moaned and babbled incoherently, rolling my head all around, clinging desperately to his hairy thighs, realizing somewhere along the way that I never wanted it to end and if he kept going, I was going to cum without touching myself again.

He jammed it in and held me down hard when he came, completely dominating me and I would have thought we were levitating if it weren’t for the sensation of him pressing me down helplessly into the bed.

Every sensation, every sense of touch or feel momentarily faded away except the feeling of his scorching hot load erupting from that huge pulsing shaft so deep into my bowels. I could feel each surge of liquid fire pulsing out of him into me. It was the most rewarding and satisfying feeling I’d ever had in my life, having Buck Tennyson depositing his seed so deeply inside me, marking me forever as his. I’ll never forget it as long as I live.

As his shouts died down and his violent spasms tremored away, he collapsed on top of me, gasping and shaking in rhythm with my own aftershocks.

He did a couple more body jerks and started pulling out. I clamped my heels on his tailbone and frantically pulled myself back up on it.

“NO! Don’t take it out! Please. ” I demanded, rather than asked. He mumbled some kind of `ok’ into my neck, let his head fall down over my shoulder and let more of his weight down on me.

I clung to his back, kissing his shoulder, saying his name again and again, thanking him in every way except saying the words `thank you’ for finally giving me what I had wanted and needed for so long, and for being the one man in the world I wanted it most from. It looked like my luck, hell, my life, may be changing.

******************************

Just when it seemed like Buck was relaxing as we drove, and maybe forgetting all the emotional shit I had unloaded on him at his house, we had to come across Billy Ragland out on County Line Road.

I had sat there in the passenger seat in agony, watching and listening to him openly flirt with that new little long haired faggot city-boy. Oh hell, I didn’t know if he was a fag or not, but the way he flirted like a preacher’s daughter with Buck, it sure seemed like it to me.

I had never felt anything even close to the raging jealousy and hatred I felt right then for that k** in my life.

I gripped the seat and armrest with white knuckles, fighting to keep myself from jumping out and stomping the little fucker into the ground, or at least yelling at him to stay the fuck away from Buck– and throwing the whiskey bottle right past Buck’s face, through his window and decking him. That would have shocked the hell out of Buck! I couldn’t understand why I was getting so worked up over this! I didn’t own Buck Tennyson; he wasn’t mine!

I somehow managed to hold my temper while we were there.

But as soon as we drove away, like some crazy fuckin’ jealous woman, I had to go and say something totally stupid and piss Buck off. What the hell kind of reaction did I expect from him anyway, when I called him a queer? Well, he actually reacted calmer than I would’ve ever expected. I would have expected most big redneck guys like him to drag me out of the pickup and beat the livin’ shit out of me– and I worried that he still might do that when we got to his house.

Damn me and my big mouth! I had watched him sweet talk many a woman at Bebe’s and never felt a jealous twinge– well, maybe a little twinge, but even after the second time with him, when I started really getting these powerful strong feelings for him, I hadn’t gone stupid like I did tonight. I knew damn well that Buck Tennyson was not going to return my feelings, and I knew damn well that my feelings were wrong, twisted and un-natural.

Everything about me was wrong, and I had gone and told him all of it– except that I was in love with him– and had put him on the spot after Darla left.

I still had a hard time dealing with my little secret, my little need. Scratch that; it was a great big, horrible, secret, and a need so overwhelming that I sometimes worried I was going to lose my mind.

The more I fought it, the stronger the need got. The more I tried to deny it was there, the heavier the secret got. I’d gotten to the point where I had a hard time lookin’ people in the eye when I talked to them.

At nineteen, I had never had even a crush on any guy or girl, and I had no fucking idea what love was. I’d had these queer thoughts about guys all through high school, but I kept thinkin’ it was just a phase or something.

After graduation, I stayed on workin’ the farm with Dad. Not bein’ around folks much, I had a lot of time to think, about life, about me, about my `problem’– which I realized about then was damn sure not just a phase– but I had pretty well convinced myself that I could put that shit out of my mind if I tried hard enough and just didn’t think about sex at all. It had been working pretty good, up until I started going to Bebe’s and being around Buck all the time.

He was there most every night and he was always hitting on some woman– and being successful a lot of the time– and once he noticed me, after I beat him at pool one night, he started talking to me a lot. He just had a way of making you feel like you were the only person in the world, or like you were the most important one to him when he was talking to you.

He would get up real close so he could talk in my ear without having to raise his voice over the jukebox, and he would sometimes real casually rub his crotch against my hand if it was hanging down by my side– and I wouldn’t move it away– or he would jokingly pat my ass and tease me to distract me from shooting, or put his arm around my shoulders and lean in to say something funny about someone in the bar and his lips might brush my ear and send tingles all down my body, and I would have to kind of arch my butt back so my boner wouldn’t show.

I guess to me it seemed like he was always flirting with everyone he talked to or something. I dunno, it just seemed like everything that came out of his mouth had some sexual meaning. He could offer to buy me a beer and it seemed like he was asking me to come home with him or something. I’m sure it was just my horny mind. But I would watch him sweet talking the ladies and making moves on them, all leaning in close, whisperin’ things in their ear and rubbin’ his hand around on their ass.

At first, I told myself I was watching him to pick up pointers on how to pick up women. Yeah, right. Shit, I had taken to leaving my shirt-tails out to cover up the boner I had almost full time when I was at Bebe’s watchin’ Buck.

After we got it on in his pickup that first time, all I could think about was him. He’d just taken my damn mind over.

I’d never been in this kind of shape before. All I thought about was how he felt in me and how he made me feel all the time. Goddamn, he was so fucking smooth talking and sexy! I remembered thinking of that song by Terri Gibbs, Somebody’s Knockin’ and how perfectly it fit Buck, when I realized that he was actually coming onto me:

“Somebody’s knockin’, should I let him in?

Lord it’s the devil, would you look at him.

I’d heard about him, but I never dreamed,

he’d have blue eyes and blue jeans.

Well somebody’s talkin’, he’s whispering to me,

Your place or my place, well, which will it be

I’m gettin weaker and he’s comin’ on strong,

but I don’t wanna go wrong

He must have tapped my telephone line,

he must have known I was spendin’ my time alone

He says we’ll have one heavenly night,

my fever’s burnin’, so he ought to be right at home.

The thing was: I DID want to `go wrong’! I wanted to go wrong with Buck Tennyson so bad I could hardly maintain around him. If he was the devil with blue eyes and blue jeans, I was ready to sell my soul lock, stock and barrel. There’d been three weeks between our first and second times together, about two weeks between the second and third, and about a week and a half between the third time and tonight.

After the third time together, I was goin’ plum crazy. I never needed anything, anyone, so bad in my life.

I tried hard not to think about what that made me, because it was all just too complicated. For one thing, the fact that he made me want to `be the woman’ with him, was the hardest thing to accept. Like, if it had been a two way street, like, equal time on top or something, that would have been one thing but, it just wasn’t that way.

I wanted– no, needed– to be like this for him and for him to `be the man’ with me. The way he took control and the way he talked to me just made me shiver and made me practically cum in my underwear just thinking about it. All the little thoughts I had back in school, well, I really didn’t know I had anything like this in me.

But it had been listening to him and Darla fuck tonight that had put me over the edge and made me accept that I really was in love with him, which meant that I had to be totally queer.

All the while I listened to them, all I could think was how much I wanted it to be me in there, me he was pounding, making me scream and moan and call him daddy and beg for more and… God, I had almost cum again just listening to them. And even though I already pretty well knew it, the reality that I was in love… with a man… It hit me like a ton of fucking bricks.

He had been nicer about it than he should have been, letting me know he thought I was fucked up, but that it was kind of ok with him, as long as I kept my secret. I was so confused and scared. It was all just hitting me like a horse-kick in the gut as I sat at the bar after she left that I was totally, one hundred percent queer– and queer for Buck.

I wanted him to want me so fucking bad it hurt.

But I knew that nobody could tie Buck Tennyson down and miraculously end his dog wandering days– especially a guy. He was a hound dog from the word go. He was proud of being a smooth talking, virgin busting, wife stealing womanizer. He would rattle off his conquests like they were medals of honor. He was the stud of the county, of five counties, and no one was gonna get him to settle down.

Hell, until he came on to me, I really hadn’t thought he was into guys at all. I had hoped and fantasized, and blown every little thing he said or did that seemed like a signal all out of proportion, but until he made his move on me, I just couldn’t really picture a ladies man like him actually getting into sex with a guy. I mean, he got so much pussy, how could he want gay sex too? But he did, and he was damn good at it.

Hell, he was a whole lot more comfortable with guy sex than I ever thought of being.

I had gotten the feeling that after my little outburst at his place that I was in for a lot of emotional shit, whether he was understanding or not, but then I had to go and open my big mouth after leaving Billy Ragland. Shit!

I was still gripping the seat and armrest with white knuckles as I pressed myself into the door when we pulled into his driveway.

I had blown it so fucking bad! He was pissed. No, he was livid. He was spitting nails as he stomped up the walk to his front door. I followed like a beat down hound dog, deciding I needed to try and leave as soon as possible, let him cool down. I apologised at least ten times before we got to his house, but he couldn’t hear me over the blaring music and racing engine.

I had feared for our lives, the way he drove– raced– back, taking turns too fast and running at least two stop signs.

But I was more scared of him than wrecking. I had never seen him this mad, even in fights at the bar, like the other night with that jerkoff Jake. I just kept thinking, `Oh god, what have I done?! Is he going to beat the shit out of me or something? Please, please, God, just let him calm down and let me go home.

I followed him inside and stood dejectedly in the middle of the lving room, watching him stomp and bang around the kitchen in my peripheral vision from my downcast eyes. I was fighting back tears with everything I had, but I was so scared, ashamed and embarrassed, I was losing the battle. The tears started gathering in my eyes and leaking out. I angrily swatted them off my cheeks and tried not to be noticed.

Buck slammed the icebox door and we heard the door’s contents fly out of their shelves, clinking and rattling into the interior. He glared at me as he poured us both a very stiff drink. I didn’t want any more to drink. I wanted to get the hell out of there, just disappear. I goddamn sure didn’t want him to see me crying.

But he did. He hmphed, snorted and stomped his boot again.

“STOP that shit! Don’t you go criyin’ on me now! Goddammit, Johnny Ray! Don’t go actin’ like some goddamned WOMAN, now!”

I wanted to die. I already felt stupid and embarrassed enough; now he was calling me a woman. I had never felt so humiliated in my life, and that it was Buck Tennyson raging at me was too much to handle. I could take shit from anybody else, and fight back. I could kick some serious ass and had never lost a fight.

I could hold my own in an argument with my dad or anyone else… Anyone but Buck Tennyson. Just the thought of him bein’ mad at me just about brought me to tears– and I was never the crying type. I stood there shaking and cried harder, wanting to run away from him but unable to move my feet. I barely sobbed out in a tiny voice, “I’m sorry, Buck. “

He stomped over and leaned down, red faced, with his nose an inch away from mine as he yelled, with spittle flying out of his mouth into my face, “You’re sorry?! You’re fucking sorry?! First ya tell me you’re a fag, and then ya go an’ call ME one too, and all you can say is you’re sorry?! Ya know, I oughtta beat the livin’ shit outta you, is what I oughtta do! I oughtta throw you outta my house and never see you again, is what I oughtta do!” He turned away with an attitude that said if he stayed in front of me he might lose control and hit me or something, grumbling, “Callin’ me a fag.

I oughtta show you what a fag really IS, boy!” He was already nearly to his bedroom door, the drinks forgotten. “I oughtta show you how much a fag I can be! GET the fuck in here!”

I jerked out of my frozen state and shakily walked to his room like a condemned man. I was so scared I couldn’t think at all. I just knew I couldn’t disobey him, and that I would have to deal with whatever he wanted to do to me.

I feared him at this moment, but I also was still in love with him and couldn’t imagine running away if he would let me stay. And no matter what he did to me, I knew I deserved it. I could take a beating, whatever he wanted to do.

I stood and trembled like a scared little k** just inside his bedroom door. He ripped his shirt off and struggled furiously with his belt buckle until he got it open.

He suddenly froze, looked up and then lunged at me, making me cringe and cower away from him. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me over to the edge of the bed. He snarled, “Get yer fuckin’ clothes off, fag. ” I stood there crying with bowed head, shaking, unable to move. He yelled, “I SAID, get yer fuckin’ clothes off, goddammit!”

I jerked to life and started taking my clothes off, barely able to work the buttons with trembling hands while he finished stripping.

I kicked my boots off and somehow managed to get the rest of my clothes off as he stood naked, fuming at me, his cock getting hard in jerks and starts. When I was finished, he grabbed my hair again and shoved me down to my knees.

“You gonna whine `n cry like a woman, then SUCK it like a woman!”

I was so confused. I didn’t think of sucking his dick as punishment, or proving a point, or even humiliation, but even though I wasn’t turned on right then, I would never refuse to suck his dick.

I grabbed for it and started to put it in my mouth, but he stopped me by slapping my forehead away. “No, fuck that shit. Here. ” He grabbed my hair again and jerked me over so I was half lying on the bed with my knees on the floor. He spit on my hole and stroked his cock to full hardness as he threatened, “Now yer gonna find out what it feels like to really be a faggot, boy.

Now yer gonna find out!”

He aimed and shoved his big cock into my ass and I screamed at the top of my lungs. We had fucked like crazy earlier, so I was already pretty sore, but my hole had also tightened back up long before now, and he had done nothing to prepare me– and I was feeling about as far away from horny as I could be. I was scared as hell of him and that made the pain even worse.

I’d never felt pain like this in my life; even breaking my arm hadn’t hurt nothing like this! I saw stars behind my clenched eyes. I cried and balled the sheets in my fists as I grunted and cried in agony when he shoved that horsecock of his almost all the way into me in one thrust.

He grabbed my hair and jerked my head back as he started pumping furiously in and out.

I cried and grunted in pain with each impact, but I didn’t say one word. I didn’t beg him to stop or be gentle or anything. I just took it because I deserved whatever he did to me. It felt like he was tearing me up inside, he was so damn big, and even when he was fucking me in a good way, like earlier, it hurt pretty intensely up in that last inch or two his cock reached.

While he slammed my ass, I wondered how I could have gotten so into feeling that painful depth of penetration before, why it had turned me on so much that his dick was so long it could go so far inside my body. I guess it was something in my head about giving myself to him that made that pain good somehow. But now, it was not at all good to feel him up in there.

It just hurt like hell and I felt dirty and low. I hated myself and I just gave up.

“Now you know what it really feels like to be a faggot? Huh? Now you know? Still think I’m a faggot, little pussy boy?” He punctuated his words with brutal thrusts. The slapping of his groin against my ass echoed around the room and was even louder in my mind. I couldn’t think much through the pain and violent jarring of my body each time he bottomed out, but I did wonder at how he had made sex a punishment.

“Still want me to be a fag for you? Huh?! Do ya? Huh?! ANSWER ME!”

I sobbed and choked out in a weak voice between sobs and grunts of pain, “I’m sorry, ungh!, Buck, I won’t ever, ungh!, say anything, ungh!, again. ” I just stayed limp.

“Do ya like this? You like bein’ a fag? This feel good?” he hissed through gritted teeth.

I was afraid to say how much it hurt, afraid most anything I said would piss him off more, and he already knew he was hurting me anyway, so I just meekly said, “Whatever you wanna do to me, Buck, it’s ok.

My response seemed to take some of the steam out of his fury. He let go of my hair and shoved my face back down into the mattress. He slowed down and didn’t slam as hard into me, was no longer knocking the breath out of me with each thrust.

I tried to muffle my sobs into the mattress and just endure the punishment. After a few more thrusts, he grunted and pushed on my shoulders to get me to move my whole body up onto the bed.

He pulled out and I climbed up, hurting with every movement. I lay on my stomach, spread my legs wide and offered my aching ass to him, with tears running down my cheeks, my shoulders heaving with my sobs.

He climbed up and mounted me, shoving his cock in again, but he just stayed buried in me and lay down on my back. He didn’t move at all. Then suddenly, he sighed and the tension went out of his body.

He sank down heavily on me, still buried to the hilt inside.

After a bit, his hand came up and began caressing my wet right cheek. He kissed my left ear and sighed again. “Oh maaan. Oh maaaaan. What the fuck am I doing. ” It wasn’t a question. He continued to hold still and I felt his cock begin to deflate. He kissed my ear again and whispered, “Oh Johnny. ” He pulled out of me and rolled off onto his back.

He lay there sliently, breathing hard for a minute, then rolled onto his side, facing me. I still had my face buried in the sheets. I couldn’t move a muscle. I was just too defeated and broken to move or feel anything. My sobs were small and pathetic and just residual, I think.

Buck reached over and ran the tops of his knuckles lightly over my cheek, gathering moisture. He sounded sad and guilty as he whispered, “Oh god, Johnny Ray, what the fuck did I just do? What the fuck have I done?”

I didn’t raise my head, didn’t answer him.

I didn’t have the words to describe what he had done to me, nor what I was feeling now. The closest I could come was, maybe, emptiness, a sad emptiness, a hollow kind of echo in my soul or something. I was pretty much numb, physically and emotionally, and a bit lightheaded because I wasn’t getting much oxygen with my face buried in the sheets.

He reached out and turned me on my side as he pulled my limp body to face into his.

He wrapped himself around me and held me tight. I felt his chest heaving and realized he was crying. He choked out, “Oh god, Johnny, oh god, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry; I’m so sorry. ” He kissed my cheek and forehead and hugged me tighter. I felt his tears fall on my cheek and my nose as he kissed around, mumbling between kisses, “I’m so sorry, Johnny Ray. Please, I’m so sorry I hurt you.

I can’t believe I did that to you. I just… I just lost my head and couldn’t think straight and, oh my god, Johnny, I’m so sorry! My god, Johnny, my god, I can’t believe I did that to you. Please, I’m so sorry, baby, so sorry…”

I clung to him and cried as he stroked my hair and kissed my temple. I couldn’t hold it back. I wailed into his neck from the deepest part of me and shook so hard he had to nearly squeeze the breath out of me to contain me.

He kept kissing my head and crying too.

“Johnny, please forgive me, please! I’m so sorry! I’ve never done anything like that before. I don’t know what happened! I just lost my mind and I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I did that to you. I can’t believe I hurt you and treated you like that. Please, baby, please forgive me. I’ll never hurt you again, I promise.

I just cried like a baby and he held me for a long time, kissing my head and stroking my back reassuringly, mumbling apologies and asking forgiveness.

After I don’t know how long, my sobs slowly died out, but Buck kept stroking my back, soothing my battered emotions.

He started softly saying things like, “You’re so sweet, Johnny, so beautiful and so sweet. I don’t wanna hurt you, ever again, baby.

I’m so sorry. “

I couldn’t form words to respond. I just lay there in his arms and absorbed the comfort he was giving and the heat of his body into mine. At some point as he rambled, it sounded like he was thinking aloud more than talking to me, “We can’t let this whole thing get outta hand, baby. We’ve gotta be careful and… We’ve gotta take things slow. We’ve gotta keep this on the down-low, Johnny.

I don’t wanna hurt you no more, baby, but ya just gotta keep this a secret, ok?”

I was confused. Was he saying he still wanted to have me? Was he admitting that he had some kind of feelings for me, that he was maybe bi? Was he thinking in terms of some kind of, like, relationship? On the down-low? That was what it sounded like, with the words he was using. But he had reacted so brutally to my suggestion that he might be gay I had figured that whatever we had going was over, that he was just holding me and being nice now to try and make up for the, ****.

I still hadn’t wrapped my mind around what he had done to me, not really. And the way he had apologized over and over had started me thinking that maybe I did not deserve it, that maybe he did not have the right to do that to me, and I was thinking that I would much rather he had beaten the shit out of me. That, I could accept and go on my way.

This had made me want to die, I was so full of shame and regret. But the way he had so sincerely apologized so many times since then sucked a lot of the trauma out of my mind, but not enough to just forget it happened, or forget how it made me feel.

But as he said these things to me, the part of me that was so in love with him took back over and made me hear things that I wasn’t even sure he was saying.

I was hearing that he wanted something real with me, something more than just sex, even. My mind reeled with the possibilities, and my heart surged with hope, with renewed and even stronger love for him.

I made sounds of agreement and started kissing my way up his neck and under his jaw to his chin, tingling all over at the way his jaw was so strong and so male and how his Adam’s apple turned me on so much.

He stopped talking and tilted his head down to kiss me on the lips. I was getting those waves of warmth and love like I’d gotten earlier when we fucked in the living room, but in a more purely emotional way. I kept trying to tell myself that I was over-reacting, reading too much into his words, but he was kissing me with a passion like he’d never shown before.

I knew I was pathetic, but I didn’t care.

If he was willing to indulge me, I was willing to let myself believe there was more there than there probably was for me. I completely forgave him for everything and wanted to start over like nothing bad had ever happened. I had an erection and I pushed it into his groin. His flaccid but still full cock started responding immediately.

We ground sensually into each other and clung tightly as we kissed like lovers.

When his hand roamed down to caress my ass, I moaned loudly on his tongue and arched my ass into his hand. He pulled away from the kiss and looked into my eyes with cautious intensity. “What’re you doing, baby? You ain’t askin’ for it again, are you? After all that… You gotta be pretty sore and…”

I reached back and squeezed his hand on my cheek, pushing his finger toward my hole while I nibbled his chin.

I said, “I don’t care how sore it is. I need you in me now, cuz it’s different now, cuz… I need you to do me good now, to like, erase the bad memory, make it good again. ” I almost said, `with love’, but held that back. I kissed around some more and whispered, “Please? Make it good again?”

Buck sighed and kissed me tenderly. He slid off my lips and trailed kisses down my jaw, saying, “Ok baby, yeah, I’ll make it good again.

” I felt his cock twitch urgently against mine and he pulled me tighter into him with his strong arms. He repeated, “I’ll make it good again. “

He rolled up between my legs and reached over for the lube. I pulled my knees to my chest and offered my ass to him once again. He smeared some lube on both of us and leaned down to kiss me as he pushed against my entrance.

He brought both my hands down between my thighs and wrapped them around his cock.

He said, “You pull me in, Johnny. Pull me in however it makes you feel good. “

I shuddered at holding his huge cock in my hands, feeling the broad head perched against my sore hole. Now that I was wanting it again, the size was wonderful to me, exciting. The hot, slippery column that I knew was about to go inside my body, that I knew was going to feel so good because it was Buck’s cock, had me tingling with anticipation, had me forgetting that I was sore as hell in there.

I smiled pleadingly up at him and pulled on his shaft. He leaned down and kissed me, entering me slowly as I pulled on it. When he was about halfway in, I planted my hands on his hips and pulled him the rest of the way into me. It did still hurt, a lot. The tissues were raw and the muscles were very sore. The skin of his cock felt a bit like sandpaper at first, but as he started gently moving in and out, it smoothed out and the soreness gradually melted away.

The pleasure came back, strong.

He whispered, “This how you like it, baby? This feel good to you?”

I moaned and answered, “Yes, Buck. It’s wonderful. I need this. ” He was just rolling his hips, slowly working in and out, giving me the sweetest sensations. He hadn’t been gentle and slow since the first time in his truck, and I was loving every little sensation, and especially the way he was kissing me while he gave me what I needed.

We had never fucked face to face, always from behind, so getting to stare into his cobalt blue eyes and see this, tenderness– that felt like love from him– was… the most wonderful thing I had ever known in my life.

He would sink it in and hold there, grinding around and driving me up the wall, then start rolling into me again, hitting that sweet spot inside me and sending wave after wave of incredible pleasure through me.

I stopped sucking his tongue long enough to whisper, “Make it good again, yeah, make it good again, Buck. Oh god, Buck, yes, do me. ” My fingers dug into his shoulders as I held onto him so tightly I was surprised he didn’t tell me to lighten up. When he would hold his head up and look down at me, I would suck and lick on his forearm, pulling the hairs with my teeth and mumbling how good it was and how I wanted him to keep giving it to me just like that.

Feeling that thick pole of his sliding in and out of my body, hitting that spot in there every time, was making me fall apart. I mean, I was almost crying, it felt so amazingly good to me. My eyes rolled back in my head and it just thrashed from side to side as I squeezed and kneaded his arms and shoulders and begged him to keep giving this to me.

He came down to my ear and sucked on it, then whispered, “It’s gonna be alright, baby.

I’m makin’ it good again for you. ” He nibbled around on my ear, pulled the lobe with his teeth, let it go and whispered, “Yeah, just let Buck make you feel good, baby, just give yourself to me and let me take you there. “

I was a total virgin before I met Buck. The only sex I’d ever seen was between a****ls. The talk among my friends about sex was all about how good it felt to fuck a bitch so hard she couldn’t walk right for a few days.

A few of the movies I’d watched that were romances had shown a tender side to love, but I had never made the connection between what movie stars did in their stories and what real life people were like in Angel Hills– maybe because those movies were all about straight couples. So I had no concept of tender lovemaking. I had thought that the aggressive, hard driving fucks I had gotten from Buck were the only way sex could be– and I loved getting that from him, don’t get me wrong– but, this was so far above any of that, with him kissing me and showing such tenderness, that I felt like my whole understanding of the world was turning upside down.

What Buck did to me, what he made me feel, physically and emotionally… I had no words for it. I simply could not have imagined anything even remotely as amazing, as mindblowing as this. I shivered with sensations and feelings that overwhelmed me in his arms as he made love to me like he needed me, like he loved me with all his heart. I could tell he wasn’t just doing this to make me feel better; he was getting into it just as much as I was.

I begged him to never stop, never ever stop, just keep this going forever and ever.

I thought I was going to die, my climax was so earth shattering. No, I’m serious: I really thought my mind and body were about to short circuit and shut down, it was so powerful. Somewhere just before the climax, though neither of us could say anything very intelligible for that last few minutes as he lost control and pounded my ass and I screamed like Darla had and begged for more, I told him I loved him with everything I had.

I don’t know what words I used, but I told him and he didn’t let it interrupt anything.

I had to say it. I had to express how he made me feel. I had told myself I wouldn’t say it, `cause I knew he didn’t want to hear it, but I couldn’t help myself. When he collapsed on top of me, I held him so tightly that I got cramps in my thighs, but I wouldn’t let go.

As he started getting his breath back, he made to pull his still mostly hard cock out. I clamped my arms and legs tightly around his back and whispered urgently, “No! Don’t pull out! Please! Please, stay in there, please?” I kissed his neck and added, “I need you to stay in there for now, ok?”

He grunted, “Ok,” as he drew in a deep breath and relaxed on top of me.

I hunkered my hips up into him and worked my raw, worn out ass muscles on his shaft for several long minutes as I kept mumbling mindlessly about him staying inside me and never taking it away. I tried to hold back, but I ended up crying again– but this time it was because of the overwhelming joy he had made me feel. He knew that I was crying with happiness, so he wasn’t concerned for me.

I choked out, “Sorry I’m crying like a girl again, Buck, but I… I just can’t help it. I never even knew anyone could make me feel like this, like you just did. “

He chuckled softly and nibbled my lower lip. Our eyes locked and he said, “Don’t be sorry, baby, don’t be sorry. I’m just happy I could make you feel all that. I’m glad I was able to…” I could see him almost not say it, “make it good again.

” He didn’t want to bring it up again, but I guess he could tell that the good had so far outweighed the bad that it was ok to speak of it again. He knew I had accepted his apologies, or I wouldn’t have instigated this, this, heaven on earth. That was how I was thinking of it now. Buck had taken me to heaven on earth.

I laughed giddily and said, “Oh god, did you ever! You made it better than I ever dreamed it could be, Buck.

I’m so… I’m so…” I couldn’t even finish, as I choked up again with tears of love and joy.

He smiled and kissed me again, then rolled off of me, letting his now soft cock slip out. I groaned my disappointment and he laughed as he stood. “Sorry, but I’ve gotta piss, bad. We could use a shower, too. “

I jumped up at that invitation! Damn, my body ached, but I scampered into the bathroom with him and started getting the water hot while he let loose a heavy stream into the commode.

Soaping him up and washing him down was like a religious experinece for me. We had showered together several times before, including earlier tonight, but this time was like some dream sequence or something. At first, we traded the bar of soap back and forth and he caressed my body and massaged the soap in like I was doing to him, but gradually, it just became me doing it to him, like I was in a trance.

He just stood there and let me, well, worship and love on his body. As I rinsed him down with the shower massager, I would lick and suck the water droplets off his skin and watch the muscles twitch and ripple as my lips and tongue passed over them. I got so into seeing every part of his body, close-up like that, that I lost all track of time. He turned the water off at some point and I hardly even noticed.

I ended up on my knees, of course, making love to his entire groin and bringing him off all over my face and just a little into my mouth.

I can hardly describe the satisfaction, the feeling of, like, power, I felt when he collapsed to his knees in the tub after he came. He was drained and weak and gasping for breath and he held onto me to steady himself as I stood up and looked down at the results of what I had done.

He looked up at me and rasped out weakly, “Goddamn, Johnny Ray!” He grasped my forearm tighter and tried to pull himself to his feet, but couldn’t. He had no strength left. My big strong cowboy couldn’t even stand up. “How d’you DO that to me? I can’t even move!” He chuckled and kissed my hip as I ran my fingers through his wet hair. “I’m gonna hafta sit here in the shower for a spell.

So I sat down in front of him. I took his hand and sucked on his fingers, beaming with pride that I could make him feel like this. He watched me make love to his hand and made a little whistle, shaking his head slowly back and forth. “Da-a-a-mn, Johnny Ray. Damn, boy! Where’d you learn to do what you do to me?”

I let his fingers slip out of my mouth and said, “I told you I was a virgin `fore I met you, Buck.

I just do what… I guess it’s just like… You make me wanna do things to you. ” I blushed a little and added, “I got more things I wanna try, too. “

His eyebrows arched up and he grinned evilly. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

I blushed all the way and averted my eyes as I grinned too. “I can’t talk about them! You’ll just hafta find out when I do them.

He laughed and said, “Ok. You have my permission to try anything you want on me– the more the better. “

We slept in each other’s arms that night and I had never felt so wonderful in my life. I was surprised I actually fell asl**p. When he spooned up behind me and held me tight and kissed my neck and said, “Goodnight, baby. ” I just about cried again. I swear, I ain’t no crybaby! But daaaamn, he just made my world turn.

Just before I fell asl**p, as he snored softly into the back of my neck, I thought about when he hurt me earlier. I pictured it and remembered everything he’d said and how it all made me feel. Then I thought about everything he’d done since then, and all that hurt just faded away. He had way more than made up for it. Way more. I loved him so hard. I picked his hand up and kissed his knuckles and prayed to God that he really loved me back.

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