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Don’t be grateful

When this little Duckie went to uni, she had her eyes open to an abundance of cock. Thick, thin, skin on, circumcised, pierced, hairy and most of all the continuous discussion point of big versus small. As I was “new” to the sex scene, it took a while for me to realise that I should not be putting up with a life shattering bad sex. After many experiences of this kind and me thinking that this should be tolerated (it isn’t) I now know without hesitation what my answer would be if asked this question: “would you rather have bad sex for the rest of your life, or none at all?” I still have my toys and I give amazing head, so i think you may know what my response would be.

When you get to uni, men turn into sex fiends and the girls who have not left their childhood sweethearts at home Are happy to become victim to their inexperienced humpings. If I went and did it all again, I would probably still be one of those gals, as it makes a damn good story.

One thing in particular that I remember, is that many of my bad experiences stemmed from a fancy dress party of some description.

There was once a man in a crocodile costume, another dressed as a Greek god (that should have been amazing) and the worst of all, was when my temporary boy was dressed up as Britney Spears in THAT school girl costume. Ignoring that fact that he was dressed up as a girl, it cemented my love for dress up and made me desperate to experiment whenever possible.

Many of the bad fucks, involved us being d***k to the point of paralysis and them rubbing my pussy to the point of being red raw for all the wrong reasons.

Crocodile boy quite literally tried to eat me out. It was horrific and I thought he was going to try and put his head inside me. I attempted to rectify the situation by lying him on his back and begin sucking him off, the best way I know how. Remember folks, I’m good at this and if it was a socially acceptable party trick, everyone would get to see it. But crocodile man thought he knew better.

He began to thrust himself into the back of my mouth. He was lifting himself off the bed to try and fill my face with his dick. But we were so out of sync and I heard him moan “this is just how I imagined it would be”. I entertained my options, stop and get the hell out of dodge or power through (it wouldn’t take long). Quite literally the moment before I made the decision to leave, he came.

And in all honesty, it was quite an impressive load. He must have been waiting a while. He wanted me to stay, I wanted to scarper. I made some excuses about having to take medication and left. I didn’t see him again.

I think women go through many sexual experiences, making them more acceptable in our heads than the reality. There should be no such thing as non-descript, mediocre sex. Every single time there should be fireworks or at least a sparkler of passion.

In all honesty, this revelation came a couple of years ago. I genuinely thought that “alright” sex was good enough. What I would not settle for was bad, hang your head in shame sex. Again, it was student days and we had gone to a night club in Leeds all dressed as school girls and boys. However, me being me, I found one of the only men dressed as a girl the most attractive- my beer goggles were well and truly secured onto my face by this point.

We had a little dance and about 25 Bacardi breezers each. He was funny and popular with a lot of ladies, so I felt almost flattered that he was paying me attention (more fool me). In the most romantic way possible, he asked me back to his place, which was a single bed in a student halls of 10 other rooms. How could I refuse?! There was no messing around, skirts got ripped off – his and mine and the lights were on, for any newbie to the one night stand world, leaving the lights on was rare and I now know why.

His pants came down and I thought he was playing a prank on me. His penis quite literally looked like a cocktail sausage. It was ridiculous, everything in my body was saying get the fuck out of there! This is a wasted trip! But I couldn’t, I couldn’t go because I was determined for it to be true that the size wasn’t important, it was what he did with it that mattered. He was actually quite handsome in a grungy, poor student kind of way.

He had lovely lips and was a great kisser and I was so fucking horny. We lay down on his single bed and he lay on top of me, it was obvious there would be no foreplay. After 10 minutes of kissing and him effectively rubbing himself on me, I asked the question that every man in the world might dread: “is it in yet?” He froze, I froze and he pulled back. “I’ve been told I’m better with my fingers.

” He didn’t even look embarrassed. Wow! I didn’t even make my excuses, I just got up, put my clothes on and got out. It was one of the most heartless things I have ever done and I will feel eternally guilty for the way I behaved that night but I was young, d***k and selfish. I wanted good sex, a fun fuck. I most certainly did not want my pussy tickled by a man who had a longer pinkie than dick.

The older got, the more adventurous I became. I want sex all the time and for any of my exes, they were getting it at least three times a day. Outside, in the car, in the shower, I would make them hard in a nightclub so they would drag me somewhere. I am playful and like experimenting. Sex toys are big part of my life and I want to share the joy that they bring me, with the man I’m fucking.

However, the more intrigued I became in varying sexual activities, the more I didn’t want to settle for vanilla. Don’t get me wrong, there can be sex where you move slow and you are so intimate with one another, but I mean the sex where you could literally be fucking anyone rather than that someone you are with. I was recently seeing a guy who got the boot because of that. When we first got down and dirty, he was an a****l.

He was in control and he pounded me hard. I love rough sex, where there is a very thin line between pain and pleasure but my head wasn’t in it. I knew, this was for show and I don’t think he should be given the blog space for much more time. A selfish lover soon gets forgotten. We continued to date for a couple of months and every time the sex got progressively worse.

By the end of if, he just lay on his back and made zero effort. He enjoyed it a lot, I didn’t.

So ladies and gents, my advice to you is as follows. If it begins mediocre, it is likely to stay that way or deteriorate quickly. If you’ve just started humping be sure it is worth the time you are investing. Sex is supposed to be fun and care free not boring.

If your mind wonders to the wonderful world of fantasy and you’re not sharing, it’s time to get out or get off. If you are having flashes of a good fantasy, let them know, it may change things for the better.

But most of all, don’t think that bad sex is acceptable. It isn’t. If you had a one night stand and it was awful, do not think about texting that person.

If you are madly, deeply and truly in love, you need to address the issue. Whilst sex isn’t everything to everyone, it’s pretty crucial for a successful relationship.

Don’t be grateful, be selective!.


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